This is the 4th year we are celebrating her birthday together. This time right from the heart of San Francisco, California.
Some housekeeping for the day: I handled the whole kitchen department as she presumably was enjoying the much needed downtime. Well, honestly I don’t mind when she rests! And, for the dinner we went to The Grove. I remember her saying, “I love the vibe here’.
Looking back the last one year has been blissful and utterly gratifying journey for both of us.
I remember she’d drink ‘Death Wish’ the world’s strongest coffee (they say) just to get through the days and nights of the exam week. Specially, during the two subjects wherein she had to grind her arse a whole freaking lot — Algorithm, and Modern Web Application by Prof. Paul Corazza and Prof. Najeeb Najeeb respectively.
I remember enjoying Grey’s anatomy together with her as we’d eat our lunch and/or dinner until i came to know that my favorite character eventually dies.
I remember her getting creative with countless ramen that were eaten back during the university days alongside F.R.I.E.N.D.S sitcom. She really really wanted me to enjoy the soap, and surprisingly enough, I have started being entertained.
I also remember the thrills of navigating through the preparatory phase of the real-deal interviews. The experience of giving them at par. The delight of landing offers alongside her and our long walks to the local Indian restaurant for a frequent treat to the tongue.
I don’t know about myself but I clearly remember we had just gotten back from our evening walk on the outskirts of Fairfield. And as we were opening her dorm door, the much-awaited call from Jennifer (the Head of Talent at Banyan Infrastructure) rang on her phone. Both our hearts sunk and thumped the same time at that moment. So, both of us quickly jumped on her bed that was by the door and listened Jennifer slowly, delightfully unpack the offer put-forth by her San Francisco based company. The best part of the whole conversation was that she got the offer for Senior Software Engineer position despite having applied for the mere opening role.
It feels heartwarming watching her friendship with Yohannes Kassa Yimam grow with months. Plus, we also made many amazing friends (I’m specially referring to the Nov 2021 MBA entrants at MIU).
I want to forever seal as much memories as I can tank up of our first initial days at San Francisco. As she acclimatizes with her work and the working environment. As she dissolves with the San Francisco way of living from buying groceries to paying rent to paying utilities to savings to adding essential stuffs on her small, beautiful apartment.
To the nutshell, I can’t say it enough :-
In the language of Sung, “You’re a lucky man to have someone like her.”
Solution is 27, today!
Happy Birthday love. As far as the choice of song is concerned, it’s her favorite song these days!
p.s. The other birthday posts I had written previously are:
You’re in a ship and it’s sailing across the stormy seas. If you’re hacking holes in it with pickaxe, you should probably pay attention to that before you sink. So, it’s a good idea to keep what stupid you’re doing in mind that you can stop doing it.
Jordan B. Peterson (on Why be virtuous?)
Joji – Die for you
To love truly,
is to commit fully.
Brainfully.
Heartfully.
Soulfully.
Beautifully!
If relationship-tree is to have the trunk, branches, leaves, flower and eventually the fruits — commitment gives it the vitality; commitment transports the essential minirals to nurture it; commitment inflates the breathe of life inside it.
For, commitment is the root, and true love (whatever it means to you) is the whole tree I know.
Alas, commitment is tough. Because, in the world where we live today the road to lust; the path to momentary cravings; the alleyways of impulsive desire; the address of loud, irresistible sexy-ness around is without-a-miss silky and icy. It’s proxy solid. It’s slippery. It’s frictionless. It’s bewitching. It’s bewildering.
At the same magnitude, real love for real is scant.
That, real love for real is limited to only the virtuous which unfortunately, there aren’t many.
To say the least:
Commitment is through which virtues such as trust, loyalty, kindness, sincerity, honesty, care, love, gratitude, gentleness, purity, tolerance, understanding and all the likes flows out and about!
Questions.
Are you committed?
Are you afraid of commitments?
Are you pathologiz-ing your love with lies and fabrication?
Two days ago, as I was walking to the gym (it’s a 23 minutes walk) I pulled up my phone, subscribed to Apple music impromptuly, and started listening to the sad playlist. Deliberately!
Not because I had a rough day.
Not because I had been going through a lot.
Not because I was hurt.
Not because I was sad.
Not because I was fucked!
It was solely and only because I wanted to synthesize sadness. Weird. I know.
Unpacking…
I wanted to soak in and soak myself with my forever friendemy — grief.
I wanted to step on the earth, again! Rest. Reflect. Re-calibrate.
Move. Shake.
For, it’s been a while I have been flying in perpetual happiness.
For, it’s been a while I had been living in a foggy, seemingly make-believe-world.
In a nutshell, I wanted to meditate on despair.
I wanted to refresh, relive, re-fill, re-feel my memories as far as my on-and-off relationship with sadness is concerned.
And, to say the least, sadness has always given me purpose.
I had forgotten I had to show up for musicpervs today. It’s almost 10 past 15pm. Normally I sleep at 9:30pm because i had to wake up at 4:45AM every weekdays.
This evening I had almost two hours long conversation with my uncle who I’ve not had a word for a long, long time. My eyes are yearning to shut themselves off as i type these lines in a pitch dark room, but I know I had to show up.
I wanted to write about meaning of happiness.
I wanted to write about living cheerfully in a mundane, routined life.
I wanted to write about potatoshrestha, and why someone who’s trying to avoid social media is posting just about every little thing that goes in, out and around him.
I wanted to write about why it is important to be mindfully aware about the passing time and the opportunity cost.
I wanted to write about why I will never be perfect but perhaps grind my teeth to be the better version of me than i was yesterday.
I wanted to write about how I deal with my own anxious self.
I wanted to write about why not every what has to have why.
I wanted to write about why it is important to learn to do nothing.
I wanted to write about why it is so important to show up even if it means doing nothing.
“He that lies down with Dogs, shall rise up with fleas.”
– Ben. Franklin (Poor Richard’s Almanack), 1733
Sajjan Raj Vaidya – Dhairya
Part 3
Who stopped me from quiting?
Who got me focused into my prime senses?
Who grounded me from the weightlessness I was experiencing?
Who unfucked me from all the brain swells I was going through?
Who rescued me from my afraid self?
She’s my girl!
And, I call her ‘Solution’ for reasons!
My 2 cents: While you’re in pursuit of something really meaningful and important, while you’re navigating through the course of the goals and ambition — you have magnanimous self-doubts, anxiousness and fear; Now, all we have to understand is that it is at this unique pivot of time itself that — you must believe and embody the fact that self-belief & perseverance is the virtue that’s called for; without exception!
Today’s my birthday. And like any other years I’m writing a small note to myself. So, here we go.
I came to the US on October 3, 2021. And, it’s precisely 13 months since I’ve been here. Well ought I compress the gap between these times, I say I am grateful for everything!
Been through so, so … so many ups and downs.
So many sleepless nights,
so many exams,
So many potatoshresthas’
so many ramens’
so many sodas’
so many microwaves moments,
so many codes’,
so many airports,
so… so many pure, serendipitous beautiful moments,
Eventually to the point where I went as low as having only $5 on my bank account to show up for and still I had my homies backing me up.
Most certainly, looking back, everything was worth it!
And, I would like to extend my deepest, sincerest and earnest thanks to those few who’ve helped me on my journey. You know who you are!
Khwaab – Anumita Nadesan | Big Indie Bang | Bhavi Chandiramani
Part 2
So, after my rejection from US Consulate, Delhi, and before I’d return to Nepal in scars and claw marks, I stomached up enough courage to look at the next available appointment dates. Luckily, I found the closest one and the only appointment at that time in Mumbai.
In just about few days, I packed-up my bag, and I remember paying special attention as I packed up those newly bought pair of clothes I once wore on my first interview along with a pair of shoes my brother had bought me.
I took my brother’s credit card, flew to Mumbai with ample amount of cash I had in reserve with me. Having spent most of my time in palpable despair and having spent most of my times thinking about the thoughts of the thoughts I couldn’t stop thinking about, nothing was planned even until last minute. I knew I had to add pieces myself as soon as I land on Mumbai airport. That, I had to survive Mumbai for next 6 days all on my own, all alone. I confess, it was scary because a local-town boy had never done anything like that before.
In Mumbai, I remember, I spent most of my time practicing in front of the mirror. The mirror where I had also taped a piece of A4 size paper where I wrote ‘Seek Discomfort’ on the largest possible font size right at its center.
I practiced the questions. I practiced from when I woke up to when I passed out unknowingly late at night. I struggled to sleep. Most of the time I couldn’t. I didn’t eat much. I very much rarely left the room except for the one or two times to deliberately get familiar around US Consulate, Mumbai in the pretext of time and walking distance from my hotel. I calculated, it took me approximately 25-28 minutes to chill-walk to the Embassy from the hotel. It took me 13 minutes when I jogged.
Now, here is the caveat to the portion “I said to myself that I’d go to the bottom of the pit — seeking, enduring, embracing every freaking possible discomforts!“, which I had mentioned in Part 1 of this n-part series. That twist is: I had 200% made up my mind to quit the visa interview in Mumbai and run back to Nepal for two clear reasons: One — in my mind I thought the next rejection is on-the-way. I was shit scared, I was forgetting things I practiced. And, I cried a lot … a lot as a consequence of that mental meltdown just two days before the interview. Similarly, the number two reason I vividly remember was — one of the respected priest slash astrologer I had once consulted in Nepal had called me abruptly and told me that he’s shit-certain to help me get the visa in Kathmandu.
Ye Ishq Tum Na Karna Unplugged – Lakshay R Kapoor | Farhan Saeed
Part 1
I have no shame in sharing the fact that I come from a relatively poor family. I have two siblings, mom and a dad. The condition of our family two decades ago is different than the condition we were in a decade ago, and touchwood it’s unimaginably better now as each three of us siblings have been living our own independent lives in different directions while keeping the center warm, while keeping the family,.. Family.
Coming to US wasn’t my decision. It was my girlfriend’s. I call her ‘Solution’. She solves all my problems and predicaments without me uttering a word. And, although I’m her fourth boyfriend, she says she’s stuck with me for the rest of her life. That’s really sweet of her.
Getting back to the topic of the day: I must have said it before as well that I was shit scared of applying to the states, because I thought I am not well-off enough to deserve this country,
… because I was shit scared of another rejection after Canada visa denial.
Matter of fact, I was rather applying to Australia, Europe, anywhere else but the United States of America. I vividly remember that conversation early morning on the 9th floor of M&S tower at F1soft when she (Solution) asked me to give it a shot as we were weighing our future options. We prepared every evening after work for at least 2 hours practicing Java coding questions for the forthcoming exam for the university. Well, we both passed the exam.
Plus, ‘Solution’ also got her US visa pretty much soon after that.
Now, with the money I had been saving up I went to Delhi chasing after this, .. the wildest of my dreams. And, here I was going back to my brother’s apartment in Laxmi Nagar on 31st of August, 2021 after getting rejected on my first visa interview in US Consulate Delhi. I cried that day — feeling disgusted, inadequate and worthless to the core because it is not that I didn’t put-in my one-thousand percent in preparing for the interview. Some said, i over-prepared, some said to take it easy. Some said, we’ll try again but I said to myself that I’d go to the bottom of the pit — seeking, enduring, embracing every freaking possible discomforts!
(well, there’s a subtle incoherence on this particular flight-and-fight thought process which i will explain in the 2nd part of this personal diary)
However, looking back, I feel grateful for that insulting slap on the face despite … despite burning all the midnight oil I possibly could have.
