Thing is ‘You’ dream like I do. You set expectations before even you know it. You lose focus from yourself and drool over someone else’s life’s template.
You fucking sleepwalk like it’s how life’s supposed to be.
And, sure, you run towards your dream life, and that with everything you’ve got in your bones and that too, to the point of your own detriment. Exhausted! Corrupted! All this circus, at an expense of your cool. Your peace of mind. Your priceless present. Your graceful calm!
To add more, you’ll come to the point wherein you’ve bankrupted your whole self over that one wild, wild vision of yours, and all that’d be left of you is nothing but grey hairs, wrinkled skins and a painful vacuum.
[haha…]
I remember a quote from one of my dead pal, Seneca, he writes:
“Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow, and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.”
“In the life of a man, his time is but a moment, his being an incessant flux, his sense a dim rushlight, his body a prey of worms, his soul on unquiet eddy, his fortune dark, his fame doubtful. In short, all that is body is as coursing waters, all that is of the soul as dreams and vapours.”
Marcus Aurelius
A boy who shamelessly loves his grandmother and long dead grandfather for they raised him lovingly.
A boy who was shy as fuck! He would fucking sweat talking to any girls … especially his fucked up crush.
A boy who’d write love letter for his friends. … his future girlfriend too!
A boy who’d find all the joy in the world — over 5 Rupees that he’d carefully tuck inside his pocket.
A boy who loved popsicles but had cried night after night over petty break up.
A boy who had learned to make his tie from his sister, suit from his best friend and regular clothing from his brother.
A boy who’d jog at Siddha Pokhari like holy fuck (all, despite being so fucking thin), plus wouldn’t even care to know why he was doing that in the first place.
A boy who has always fallen in love with making & breaking & trying & creating of things, and the process, and the details of it. This one hell of an insatiable curious character, him.
A boy who still dances alone in his room and fucking sings out loud in the bathroom; a boy who loves thinking, writing, a boy — who sometime in the future yearns to be a man; who loves, loves and loves non-fiction books, and sexy codes and his hardcore mortal mentors; from Charles Bukuwoski to Marcus Aurelius.
A boy closed to the outside world but flamboyantly f.o.o.k.i.n.g open inside.
In the early 2015, I’d read a classic, deep-shit by one of my mentor, Dr. Friedrich Nietzsche, who was also a very hard-core german philosopher by profession.
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
I remember, as soon as i read that hot, sexy, steaming line in the book; it was nothing short of Holy fuck! moment on me.
Because, that was it! That was fucking it! — the true skin, flesh and bones of a very successful failed relationship was all naked there!
Since then, I’ve been measuring my own romanticism’s depth and breadth from this dependable compass long offered to us by Mr. Nietzsche for fucking free.
To the nutshell, I’d request you all to make fucking sure that you’ve all the ingredients of full moon friendship before you would decide to put an end to your fuckaround-behavior, and actually marry your dream partner in crime.
Virtues like :-
Honesty.
Trust.
Respect.
Humility.
Understanding.
Support.
Unconditional love.
Kindness.
Care.
Warmth! Friendship! Friendship!
And, most certainly, (a not to miss)
A Holy Fucking humor.
Yes, make sure you tick all those boxes before deciding to fire your fucking shuttle ae’!
“Objective judgement, now, at this very moment. Unselfish action, now, at this very moment. Willing acceptance – now, at this very moment – of all external events. That’s all you need.”
— Marcus Aurelius
That’s all you get from me this week.
As a matter of fact, if you pay close attention; that’s all there is to live a peaceful, full life and sure, death too.
Understating and understanding, that nothing must matter. That, Nothing will matter — was a ball dropper.
This was a necessary respite, in the face of occasional, excruciating drama — life sometimes malignantly inflicts upon us, whether we want it or not! Whether we’re prepared for it or not!
Before going any further, I want to be clear on one thing :-
And that is…
To me, becoming wise, is not a swank.
Instead, it has always been about my surgical curiosity tolearnmore. The obsession, precisely.
To me, it’s a shameless journey of my journey. (Shameless, because I still don’t know much about so many things.)
It has always been like that and it’s worked for me thus far.
Around the same token, one of my dead friends, Marcus Aurelius, suggested, “Life is opinion.”
Dope!
Laconic.
Fucking Powerful!
Nuclear!
I remember, I’d cried many times over someone else’s poor judgements over me, my substance, my character, nature. And, my family have also shed tears for the same unsexy cause.
Also, my recent read The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life.’ by Rosamund Stone Zander wherein she argues around the same lines as Aurelius intended. She writes, “It’s all invented. Everything in life is an invention. The way we see things. The way we measure things. The way we compete. The way we judge ourselves.”
So, Folks, the world is ever-changing. It will change more.
Life, well,.. sadly more often than not– ruminates around the inevitable suite of poorly-formed, ephemeral opinions which our heart and minds blindly, and dearly hold for us. Without objectivity, without weight, without real inquiry!
So, Folks,
at times, with time —
Unfuck.
Change.
This was me and Sushant Khanal this past week, hiking. Unfucking!
p.s.
a year ago. WTF!
p.p.s.
On a side note, I’d also recommend you dig more on — Memento mori too.
You will realize at some point in time that the most awful fucks anyone can give it to you is but yourself. In other words, in real life, no body will give you more real fucks to you than you yourself will.
Poush – 2076 (Seinfelding)
Painful.
but Beautiful.
I recall, perhaps the only and the most depressing phase of life was during my high school days.
+2
Family was struggling through finances. Didn’t like the school I enrolled in. Didn’t have any friends. Didn’t find one. Didn’t feel like making one! No goals. No role models. Instead, there were no shortages of bullies. Those dumb f-#ers. I remember, they’d call me names, make fun of me in-front of the entire class, which in all sincerity had me feel like a loser — with added seasoning of an absolute disgrace over my life.
At the same time, I had a crush on a girl who wouldn’t give a flying fuck. [Haha..]. Can’t blame her. Plus, was trying to make sense of life and all the bullshits that i had to endure day-in and day-out with no sign of help from anywhere or anyone else. Was teaching bunch of raw slates, less, because i wanted to but more just so that I can pay for my tuition.
What a fuckingly fuck of a messy those times were when-in I had totally forgotten to feel happy or worst — even to put up a smiling face. [Haha..] All credits to my low self-esteem and persistently anal-ized self-confidence.
Fu>k!
Despite, it was at that point in time, I’d found refuge in books. Be it exercise books or the ones from self-help fraternity.
It was then, I’d embraced my own flavor of introverted-ness.
It was then I paid attention to the people I wouldn’t want to waste a fuck for.
It was around that time Musicpervs was born.
More or so, It was because of my ‘solitude‘ friend, I had figured out that self-growth is the only way forward and that I’m the only person responsible for my shits!
Heavy shit ae’.
And, that’s why these calendar habits still runs in my blood, through and through. Painful. But Beautiful!
(And, just so if you’re curious, Jerry Seinfeld is our guy who made this shit nuclear.)
Lastly, around these same waters, I’d like to leave you with some of the wildly sexy and utterly powerful insights which I’ve enjoyed a-fucking-lot, from few of my dead friends :-
“A year from now you will wish you had started today.”
~ Karen Lamb
No instagram. No whatsapp. Facebook had been long trashed out of the window for as many as half a decade years. No viber.
Yes, Presently. Yes, SoundHeal. Yes, long breathes. Yes meditation. Yes, GYM. Yes zumba. Yes, Spotify Premium (thanks to didi). Twitter has always been a handy pal to keep (however, i deliberately self-indulge with her, sparingly, carefully). Yes, iBooks. Yes, real books. Yes, more code katas’. Yes, real shits!
“Take some time off. Unfuck. Live a little for yourself!”
~ Goonja Shrestha
Why I unplugged?
Simple. We live in a time where we’ve set ourselves to so many priorities, each competing for our priceless time.
No wonder, we’re all ridiculously busy, aren’t we?
But, I’m rather curious how much of our Business proxy is at our favor?
How much?
Again, no wonder, we don’t have time for ourselves too. Just look at your daily rat-race infested routine. Commitments and Responsibilities. And yeah, Phones. Awful Fuck!
Sure enough, we’re mostly sleep walking, taking everything on and along or way for fucking granted!
Or at least, such had been my reality for such a long time.
Context
I was never a phone person. And, I still keep her at a fine distance. But after so many messages, and unattended calls. After such many beautiful people expectantly waiting for my text/ call back. I just wanted to breathe, briefly! All for myself!
That’s mostly why!
Goonja di. Puku. Manish. Didi. Mummy. Daddy. Dai (twin brother). SV — one way or the other would advise :- Live a little for yourself. Openly. Selfishly. Selflessly.
FuKingly!
Intentionally.
Freely!
Duly.
Reclaiming what’s mine; my freedom, my s.e.l.f, thus, on a digital sabbatical mode indefinitely.
She confronts, she wants to die only after I pass away because I’m a mess without her. Rightly so!
I can’t imagine a day of my life without her.
I couldn’t be more happy we had that piece of conversation among many others things. Over texts though!
But, I hope this genuine feeling we have in our hearts means at least something or better yet Everything with capital ‘E’ for both of us — throughout our lives.
Enough!
For our best of times.
In crushing days.
During countless ordinaries we’re to walk together.
