On the way back home this evening; as I drove past dusts and the dark, I cried again.
Cried for my wretched parts.
Cried for my unpopular, unbeknownst past.
I’ve known sobbing helps.
And, tears are a blessing when the pain is real, when the cut is rich!
Because, if you don’t know it yet, It’s how you actually heal yourself.
Despite, on most calendar days, you pretend to be strong and full but there are also days, you want to wear down that mask and just be by your all-self!
Well, tonight is one of those nights for me.
Immersive. Vulnerable. Reflective.
A whisper cries from within; Says, “You are enough, You know you are enough, stupid! You’reenough!”
[A thoughtful break. With deep, deep long breathes]
— reads his current facebook cover photo’s caption.
He’d been working at F1soft since May of 2014. I joined the club on December 31st, the same year.
Prelude: From our ‘तिमी‘ to ‘त‘, our journey together has brought me an immense joy as well as a deeper sense of fulfillment by virtue of our natural brotherhood chemistry. And, he’ll for sure have a special place in my life forever of forever!
But, hey, before you read any further, let’s be clear on one thing :- this is not about Pukar’s story. Truth be told, I’ve barely tracked or scratched his life’s timeline and plots and whereabouts.
Someone who takes responsibilities dead & dead seriously!
Star Wars. DC. Justice League. Deadpool. Holy! hard core Papon, Prateek Kuhad cum John Mayer admirer.Not to miss the Nepali products (@mheecha, @anthropose, @bhavproducts, karuna, what the fook not) plus Mumford & Sons, Radiohead on the list as well.
Adorable wisecracker. Sarcasm powerhouse!
Bhaley. Bhanubhakta and Lord Buddha.
As Seneca beautifully explains,
[su_quote]“If you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means… When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment…Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself… Regard him as loyal and you will make him loyal.” — Letters from a Stoic.[/su_quote]
It’s because of human like himself, I can believe in the words of the wise that friendship must be fucking unconditional as love ought to be.
Lastly, Pukar bro — yaar, don’t kill me for any of this!
Google Results of Pukar’s meaning.
p.s. Once, my source of good, subtle, suple music.
INEXPLICABLY fortunate to have found.
Now, HYAPPILY married!
Melophile.
Pardon, the jargon. Pardon profanity of our nighttime conversation.
Lucky, I have a brother who’s also my soul friend.
He is the reason why I never really cared about wasting energy in forced companionship.
For I was born with one forever friend and that’s him, a worthy heritage to forever flaunt, to forever flare.
Touch wood.
He is the reason why I’d never really care if somebody or anybody disses me, be yesterday, today or tomorrow.
He gave me an utter freedom to happily enjoy my lonesomeness. He is why I can be alone at will and still thrive because his cocoon was ever present whenever I needed one.
He never asked for my attention because he knew in his heart that he has my whole heart.
He was always there through most of my terrible thick and thins — gladly he lived my plights, my stories.
Glad, he still does.
Our humble relationship as twin brothers, or be it as the funniest two bones — will certainly end one day, not today.
I hope not ever.
p.s.We shared the same warmish womb together, didn’t we? And that’s the cutest thing I’ll forever cherish having done that with you.
A concise segue could be something more like ,”Pull Back From People Who Won’t Listen To You.” Or “Know your audience”, as they say. Or more so directly, “If people are not listening to you, stop talking to them!“
Cold. Isn’t it?
Let’s unpack.
What this simply means is: If you’re talking to someone or say trying to have a conversation but as it turns out that this person is no where near listening to what you have to say (by virtue of their deeply possessed stone-etched rigidity), then more often than not, it’s at your best interest that you shut the fuck up and save yourself an insult!
Why am i saying this?
Paraphrasing Jordan B. Peterson (one among many of my mentors); what he says is that — in cases like this, the one we’re right now putting a microscope on; there could only be two prospective certainties :-
One, if you somehow feel that the other person is not trying to engage and rather oxygenate conflicts after conflicts then you aren’t who they think you are.
Or, two, you’re not where you think you are! On plain sight, you are just somewhere you don’t belong! Not at least around a good influence!
Because you see, when you’re with people who don’t really listen, there’s no real dialogue occurring between you two, and sure enough this person you merely think you’re having a meaningful conversation with is clearly not interested in your say of the matter. And, by giving them your time and energy, you are just devaluing what you have to say by offering to an audience that reject it.
So, why give a fuck at all!
Peterson further advises, “If you stop talking to people who aren’t listening to you and start watching them instead, they’ll tell you what they’re up to.”
I just returned attending Puku’s wedding reception.
Sleep deprived. Exhausted. Feet too cold because of a long bike ride and that too on Kolhapuri chappal.
Here’s a thing worthy a mention cum appreciation — As i opened the door and entered my room; I found that the room heater was on. Plus, my meds were carefully put on the table, beneath the lamp which was on too, so that i can see.
I knew, that’s my dad!
What made this episode more special is that he was bed-ridden himself from the past two days.
p.s. I’m sneezing terribly as i sit to write this short quick piece in company of mild fever.
p.p,s. I just want to seize the gratifying beauty of this unique moment painted by my beloved Father (not that this has happened for the first time).
Holy cow, what could’ve been a better way end to the day!
Mostly, like every other saturday, I went to meet my maternal grandmum.
Part of the reason why I visit her is that she’d confronted it many times that she waits for the weekend to arrive whenin she expects to meet her grandchildren or so-to-say, experience a different flavor of the day than usual.
Question
Why am I writing about this?
Answer
Well, primarily, in hope that perhaps you can too take this 2 minutes post as a reference, plus our bird-eye view of experiences — the bond, a story, warmth and the chill, I and my grandmother share, and use them as it best fits your lifestyle, your time or schedule with your own grandparents if you’ve one! Until you have one!
And, secondly, I’m writing in utter hope that via this post, some of our joy and sense of belonging will brush off on you and perhaps reshape your perception on nurturing both family relationships as well as the inevitable shits!
Quite sadly, I’ve been to houses where people seemingly value their pets more than they do to their elderly parents. I know it’s none of my business but it forever felt wrong and sad and heartbreaking! Please don’t do that kind of shit at your household!
Instead, I request you to go and speak or at least call them every once in a while without agenda or sense of urgency or need or false desire. Just do it, SELFLESSLY!
It’s a different thing that unlike many old age parents, my grandma is exceptionally outspoken, very open-minded plus that too with a high-quality organic sense of humor. But like most aged parents she’s very very emotional too.
Sometimes as we exchange, she’d cry. Sometimes she’d get upset and won’t speak to anyone. But, for most of the time as we two lay on her bed and gossip with each other about all the random stuffs — I’ve always enjoyed watching her laugh a lot.
Watching people smile truly is an antidepressant!
Meanwhile, it never ceases to amaze me that she always has plenty of hard core life philosophies to chat about. For example, just as I was listening to her this evening, she had broughten up these words for exactly three times during an hour long candid conversation; Words :-
जिन्दगी मा के नै छ र है बाबु, आज छ भोली छैन ।
~ मा
I reckon, aaaah! the purity of emotional wealth on these simple words coming from her time and again and my Awareness?! post which I’d written just this thursday are somehow vertically opposite. Resonating. Compensating. Intersectecting.
To the nutshell, our grandparents need us today, now, not our sympathy after they’ve left.
p.s. Some fascinating flashbacks I cherish with my grand-dy that I’d want to seize with this post for forever
her time-and again asking me for a favor to download all old songs into her forever changing flashcards
her, saving snacks like cashew nuts, almonds, walnuts, redbull, coconut milk & juices, noodles —— for me.
our bike rides together.
her ever changing inventories of favorite things to do/ haves.
her asking me to never hurt anybody, specially mum.
As you read along these lines, sure you’re breathing and your heart is beating.
Are you aware my friend?
And, just in case, if you’re still reading, I want to assume you’re living a relatively comfortable life with all your most basic needs met, including WiFi!
Care to self-examine? self-reflect?
Cool!
However, did it ever occur to you, how delicate, fragile, vulnerable and absolutely naked our real Life is.
The most basic freedom we dance on; this food on the table; perhaps the blanket you’re in, this fine roof over your head; these beautiful clothes you wear & all-to-mandatory cosmetics you put on to add flavors to your otherwise simple-self or be it your lovely family, or the love of your life and even your own youth which we sadly, … insanely take for granted — can be easily snapped off of you or me, in any fucking m.o.m.e.n.t! ANY!
Care to realize?
Have you ever exercised life and the choices you make from this not-so-glittery perspective?
Plus, by saying that, I don’t mean only death as a certain, unexpected predicament to our normal life per se, because, sure there are so-fucking-many shits that can rob and kill us for real.
