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Work From Home

Published June 25, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Live as though today is your last day.

Marcus Aurelius
Andrew & Veda – Alive

Today morning, at 8:00AM, The Stoic, an android application in my phone duly notified me of a quote, “Live as though today is your last day”, and that too in the right moment when I needed it the most.

Sure, I’ve heard of a paraphrased version of the same from Steve in this video who himself lost his life to a rare pancreatic cancer on October 5, 2011.

Question remains. Why did i need to acknowledge and account for and absorb this beautiful maxim by Aurelius?

Because, like many of us, i had lost touch with the confinements as well as the fragility of life at the same time.

Because, like many of us, i had forgotten to appreciate life while contemplating death at the same while.

Because, like many of us, I had lost my network connection with life‘s bliss and the unmatched freedom for the web of unending, ever-expanding, forever-exploding work-work-and-more work.

Because, like many of us, I was more and more exhausted and more and more sleepless and more and more neurotic and more and more restless.

Without-a-shred of doubt, Work From Home has had an egregious impact on my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. For, in the last one week alone; the only things I actually remember are — all the shit pile of work, and responsibilities and decisions I’ve had to pull and on deliverables I’ve had to meet and meeting and justification fucker-ies, and problem solving, and the beautiful rain and chess.

That’s about it!

Clearly, I needed to recharge. Re-wind. Retrospect. Rejoice and rejuvenate.

And, sure, re-live. Re-purpose. Rest.

p.s. the why I don’t give a flying fuck about my past; the same why I have no regrets for my past, is because I’ve come to realize that life’s theatre and all the drama that goes inside this weird framework, only cares and knows about moving forward, moving strong, and moving on and on and on.

p.p.s. oh! yeah, and, I almost forgot to tell you that — for an experimentation purpose, all the things I had en-acted today on June the 25th 2020, was tethered around — living as though today matter of fact, was.my.last.

Goodnight.

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Love under the microscope.

Published June 18, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

And may your first love last forever. P.S. You are your first love. Take care of yourself.

Cleo Wade, Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for a Better Life
Man Kunto Maula | Orchestral Qawwali | Abi Sampa

Four polar opposite things.

Peace over noise?

Order or chaos?

Acceptance vs struggle?

Intimacy to scant and even worst, the excess attention?

Which one do you want in your plate?

Bleh!

Are you kidding me? Of course, we salivate for all the former ones.

For, our life depends on few of these essential life utilities, doesn’t it?

But, we die for that too!

A giant, fat fuck to our stupid, negative bias; We’re by evolution, designed to succumb to our own detriment. Our own unpreparedness, or call it deficiencies. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Whatever you add to the list.

Simply put, we successfully kill ourselves, in the end! Don’t we?

Because, in the likes of pollinators such as Bees’, who’re naturally attracted to the shape, colors and scents of flowers — we’re default magnet to our own ignorance, … to our very, very own suffering.

In this pretext, let’s put love under the microscope — which metaphorically speaking, is a breath and the breadth of life in its entirety.

Okay. Love! Hmmmm.

You seek love from Mr. X, Ms. Y, … in Mr this and Mrs. that, your boyfriend, girl friend, husband, wife, brother, sister,… be it even family; You thirst, hunger, matter of fact, you’re wired to search for love, acceptance, conformance outside but yourself. Science calls this a conformity bias, which, call it tragic —  is deeply coded into our cells by nature.

For example, when was the last time you tore yourself up, teared up, felt small and worthless and lifeless, and wasteful, like a piece of stinking shit … somebody’s fucking love, acceptance, grace, attention or lack thereof?

Contrarily, when was the last time you treated yourself for just being alive, for just breathing at will, for the whole day you have for yourself ?

And, whoa, this might sound weird, but have you ever thought of writing yourself a love letter, at all?

Write one. And, keep it near your palm’s reach. Can’t overstate the power of that.

Dear friend, my one and only grain of wisdom that I’d been trying to sow in your beautiful, priceless terrain is that you’re whole all by yourself. That, you are f.u.c.k.i.n.g enough!

That, you must learn to put yourself first.

Love. Yourself. First!

p.s., and for fuck sake, fuck the inevitable biases!

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Weeks

Published June 11, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Don’t be ashamed of needing help. You have a duty to fulfill just like a soldier on the wall of battle. So what if you are injured and can’t climb up without another soldier’s help?

~ Marcus Aurelius
Prateek Kuhad- Cold Shoulders

Personal housekeeping this week.

Q: How was my week?

Full with irrefutable work burnout moments. Mentally taxing, soul crushing, ….

Q: What did I chew this week?

Learned the art of acquiescence from Ryan Holiday. Dived deep onto Amor Fati.

Q: What’s the most beautiful thing that happened this week?

It rained. And, my sister finally recovered from COVID-19.

Q: What do you want to do for next week?

Self care! Sleep on time. Journal.

p.s.

Invest present for Future.


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My marriage.

Published June 4, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

Marcus Aurelius
Jab We Met – Tumse Hi

I wonder.

Will I marry my.best.friend who embodies my beliefs, who shares my values, someone who braces my tantrums, someone who graces my imperfections?

Will this one person who I consider the love of my life, SUPPORT me in every way, all the way …, all the way?

And, mostly, will my in-laws accept me the way I am?

Or, will I have to pretend to being any different than how I have always, always been?

I worry.

Will I find my home away from my own home!

Will I find my family beyond my own family!

Or, will I have to cut short my soaring wings and trade my freedom after the wedding?

Will heartfelt love, mutual understanding, melting care, genuine reciprocity, shared responsibility, the unadulterated respect and heart-full-of kindness –be in the veins of my new found nest?

Will I have a voice, my say here?

Will I find another home that I can call my own?

Will I be lucky to find a man for the real?

Will I be actually married, for real, at all?

My marriage!

A Girl’s marriage!

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Head Talks.

Published May 29, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

There is a crack in everything, that’s how lights get in.

Leonard Cohen
Sanam Marvi – Hairaan Hua

Deep. Dark. Fear. Inexplicable panic. Seasonless shiver. Clouds and mountains of self-judgement. Mocking confusions. Expanding pain. Contracting heart.

Out of breathe — couldn’t breathe.

Empty gaze –couldn’t Sleep.

Tasteless — couldn’t eat.

Bickering — couldn’t stop.

Hiding — couldn’t tell, couldn’t speak.

Silent sobs. Helpless tears.

Thinking. Spinning..

Losing. Spilling.

Spoiling. Digging. Digging for more.

Suffocating. Questioning. Expecting!

Explaining. Conforming. Justifying.

Thinking..

Thinking, and

thinking.

This is your head talk. This is your beautiful, vulnerable headspace.

Stress. Anxiety. Depression. Over thinking. Anger. Annoyance. Impatience. Guilt. Frustration.

Whatever you call it. This is not only your problem. It’s not only your story.

You’re not alone in this, my friend.

However, whenever these waves of killing, cruel, and mainly heart pressing thoughts come to your shore — Don’t get into defense. Don’t try fighting. Don’t ignore. Observe observer!

Matter of fact, as simple as it may sound but I’d want you to gracefully accept this foreign, strange and un-invited guest also called ‘the monkey in your brain’. Embrace her. Watch her. Let her dance when it dances but be aware!

Be fully present. And finally, kindly, forgivingly … let go!

As justly said, the devil’s in the detail — so, do not miss Head Talks by Niall Breslin.

p.s. remember —

“One full breathe at a time.”

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Downvote.

Published May 21, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha
Piyush Bhisekaar – Wajah

This is not a post about ‘downvote’

But, just last Thursday, I received my first downvote at Musicpervs youtube channel.

Not that I put any thought on conformity, acceptance, agreeableness, and social media thermometers when it comes to my creative self-indulgence on the pursuit of learning more .

Or, say more precisely, not that I receive any attention on the platform to feel gravely concerned about, but this event had occurred right after few minutes of publishing the video. My guess. One of my subscriber is not happy!

Title of the post: True Love.

That loud, fat, echoing, demanding, authentic, pure, voiceless, screaming or perhaps wrongly oscared ‘downvote’.

But, again, this is not a post about ‘downvote’ at all.

This is about my reflective, internal inquiries and examination.

Have I hurt feelings of other people?

Sure, yes!

Have I committed mistakes in my life?

Most certainly. No doubt about it!

But, have I done wrongs to anybody, deliberately, intentionally?

Have I ever cheated on anybody?

Have I ever exploited or taken advantage of anybody?

Have I ever betrayed?

Have I punished, penalized, or sold lies to anybody?

If yes. Then perhaps, I should be the one answering it with full accountability and truths — not anybody else; And specially, not their feelings about events, circumstances and things. Because, trust me if feelings were the ultimate answer we’d never have had any wars or crimes or 9/11s in the first place.

Lastly, I’ve always said one thing and one thing only in my defense amid flood of baseless blames and criticisms.

I’m not a bad person.

p.s. “If You Haven’t Done Anything Wrong, Do Not Apologise.” ~ Dr. Jordan Peterson

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True Love.

Published May 14, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

If you wished to be loved, love!

Seneca
Papon – Mujhe Kaisa Pata Na Chala

If you’d only care to search ‘Love‘ keyword here at Musicpervs, you’ll most likely find plenty of poems, essays or personal shits — totally cracking open my unrestrained love affairs with love!

Gist of it all.

True love is a perhaps the answer to life’s awe-stretching journey, the sadness it pelts us with, the happiness it blesses us with.

Truthfully, true love is only as best as a good-enough one.

True love is not without flaws.

True love is a lot of hard work.

True Love is a luxury; Only earned by giving. Giving!

Most important of all, true love is deserved.

p.s. She duly reminded me, it’s been a long time since I had written anything on ‘Love‘.

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This too shall pass

Published May 7, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

“Objective judgement, now, at this very moment. Unselfish action, now, at this very moment. Willing acceptance – now, at this very moment – of all external events. That’s all you need.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditation
Pardo – Nishu

We all feel we are in need of help.

We all feel there’s a rescue boat coming for us. Our prince charming desperately waiting for us to show up.

We all feel inadequate, incomplete, tiny, meaningless, clueless, fucked!

We all feel full and also empty, stressed, consumed, pinched, broken, bitten, and betrayed.by.fate.

We feel we’re at an unfortunate place, the wrong time!

Haven’t you?

Something, s.o.m.e—thing is always not in its place. Not the way it is supposed to be. Something is always off!

Isn’t it?

These anchors you experience, these caveats of a modern, … normal human life, these proxy urgencies, distractions, all these shit shows occurring, recurring over and over are simply inevitable.

That, it is the way.

And I’m here to tell you that — that’s just fine!

Only remember: the lights could’ve only found its sweetest place with us because there’s a grave darkness that also lives in and around us.

The fact that there’s good also defaults us that there has to be bad as well. And you’d want to be constantly, consistently choosing the right side.

Remember, sometimes the only best way is — through.

And remember that during all those difficult-of-times, a whisper within you MUST say — this too shall pass!

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Who and What you should fear the most?

Published April 30, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Not taking things personally is a superpower.

James Clear (Author of Atomic Habits)
Ocean – Native

Fear is not bad. Is, it?

Matter of fact, fear is without-a-doubt, the best life tool!

But wait!

It depends on what sort-of fear is it that keeps you awake.

Fighting. Fucked.

Unresting. Unsatisfied.

Investing. Investigating.

A question lingers.

Who and What you should fear the most?

the virus?

.. for students — perhaps their self-centered teacher?

.. for laborers — maybe their pain-in-the-ass boss?

.. ignorant parents?

.. selfish girlfriend?

.. disloyal boyfriend?

.. of being wrong?

.. of perhaps boredom too?

.. dear addictions?

.. your one-sided love?

.. losing health slash getting cancer?

.. loneliness?

.. emptiness in emptiness?

.. the excruciating, ruminating, painful, stressing, pressing, rumbling thoughts after thoughts?

.. spineless people and their IMHO fucked-up point-of-views?

.. injustice?

.. losing your loved ones?

.. never-ending problems?

.. the world itself?

.. maybe life?

.. death?

Well, today I want to present to you with an antidote to all your fears for all the wrong reasons.

Again, unsolicited.

A genuinely, very very important inquiry apparatus for seeking the truth.

A baby question but so profound.

Just ask:

Is this thing that I’m constantly thinking about, worrying about, fearing about, nagging about, complaining about, pissed-off about, fussing about — in or out of my hands, in or out of my control?

That’s it.

Be deliberately, un-foolishly, un-emotionally objective.

And, talking about good fears.

Fear certainty.

Fear not learning, not growing or more verbosely put — The Stagnancy.

Fear not knowing the difference between objectivity and superficiality.

Fear not asking THE RIGHT QUESTIONS?

Fear stale, stupid days.

Fear lying. Fear not telling the truth.

Fear taking yourself too seriously.

Fear not taking responsibility of your life.

Fear for the right thing.

On a departing note for the week my friend:

This short video by my mentor Tim Ferris will hopefully enlighten some heavy shits out of you.

Happy Thursday!

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