“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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Mum (clearing tears off of her weeping eyes): It was slow and utterly painful death for her. I wish nobody has to go through such ordeals in their life.

Grandma (staring at a lifeless body of her sister): Someday, it will be my turn. **Sobs uncontrollably **

[ Evidently naked. Magnified. All I see is an unfathomable love, the pain and the emptiness. I can also feel fear, as i sat beside her, holding her cold, wrinkled, soft hands. ]

Uncle: This is life. ~Breathes deeply~

Dad: Silent. Unmoving, mostly. Perhaps contemplating life & death in his own head.

[ Hard to tell ]

Sriraj (Baini maa’s grand child): Quiet. Present. Hurt. Loved. Unloved.

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At Pashupati temple (A holy place for all the hindus in Nepal. Also, a well-renowned crematory site situated at Kathmandu). I watched. Listened. Existed, deliberately!

I see — honest tears! Torn hearts! Fucking pretentious despair too.

Tired. Despite, tried self-reflection; at accounts and inventories of my own life. Of people I consider my own.

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Bahini maa (Grandma’s sister) passed away today around 3AM in the morning.

She died of cancer.

And, of all the many reasons, my heart wanted to blame it for her smoking habit.

[ I would never know ]

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Two things.

First. Not that I smoke but I promised mum and dad infront of Baini maa’s burning self that no matter what, I’ll never, NEVER do cigarettes!

Second. I promised myself, … again, … that I’ll not take anything, anyday, anyone for granted, not even myself!

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p.s. Lastly, I will forever have an enormous gratitude and respect for ‘Sirraj’s’ applaudable hard work, contribution and heart and companionship and patience to be with Baini maa foot-on-foot, in her final days. Not days actually, but years and years.

Whence, learned pure form of selflessness from him.

p.p.s. Ironically, [In the memory of Baini maa ]

Mementomori.

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Instructions for living a life:

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.

Mary Oliver (Red Bird, 2008)

Fuck!

This is FucKing powerful.

And without-a-shame, this is musicpervs at her central core. Call that, her true aesthetics.

Her arch.

Her ether.

The alleyway she had been paving, the many she still explores.

Her identity the whole time.

Her akimbo.

Sometimes, I wonder — had I not been programming full time, I’d have been spending all my hours — writing, reading; fucking living.

So, once again,

as Miss. Oliver inquired —

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?“

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“Life is suffering.”

~ Jordan B. Petreson

Let’s start from there.

You are here for a brief while.

I’m too.

Thing is ‘You’ dream like I do. You set expectations before even you know it. You lose focus from yourself and drool over someone else’s life’s template.

You fucking sleepwalk like it’s how life’s supposed to be.

And, sure, you run towards your dream life, and that with everything you’ve got in your bones and that too, to the point of your own detriment. Exhausted! Corrupted! All this circus, at an expense of your cool. Your peace of mind. Your priceless present. Your graceful calm!

To add more, you’ll come to the point wherein you’ve bankrupted your whole self over that one wild, wild vision of yours, and all that’d be left of you is nothing but grey hairs, wrinkled skins and a painful vacuum.

[haha…]

I remember a quote from one of my dead pal, Seneca, he writes:

“Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow, and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.” 

So, few free advices :-

Stop — every once in a while.

Self Reflect!

Contemplify.

Reboot — every once in a while.

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In the early 2015, I’d read a classic, deep-shit by one of my mentor, Dr. Friedrich Nietzsche, who was also a very hard-core german philosopher by profession.

In his book, Human, All Too Human: A Book for Free Spirits, he’d instructeded,

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

I remember, as soon as i read that hot, sexy, steaming line in the book; it was nothing short of Holy fuck! moment on me.

Because, that was it! That was fucking it! — the true skin, flesh and bones of a very successful failed relationship was all naked there!

Since then, I’ve been measuring my own romanticism’s depth and breadth from this dependable compass long offered to us by Mr. Nietzsche for fucking free.

p.s. ensues the feels of writing “3AM friend.“ .

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Okay, so, let’s put your love into test through the same microscope.

Shall we?

Let’s begin.

A simple inquiry or self-reflection will do. That, with your partner, are you fucking sure that you guys are THE best of friends?

[pause]

[think]

[connect the dots]

[you’re good at making patterns by evolution — fucking make one here real quick]

[still thinking]

[still reading]

[think] ….

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Now, if your answer is ‘No’

Fucking leave pal, before it’s too late.

Bonus: if you want to dig in a little bit more as to why I say that (in a heartbeat); read this article by one of my mentor Mr. James Clear ( the author of Atomic Habits)

Contrarily, if your reaction to that same question is

‘Hell! FooooooOking Yeah’ << [click that link]

Then, you’re without-a-shred-of doubt, one hell of a fortunate big time cracker!

Again, if you don’t buy my view on the matter, here’s the world’s oldest longitudinal study done on happiness at Harvard, backing up that claim.

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To the nutshell, I’d request you all to make fucking sure that you’ve all the ingredients of full moon friendship before you would decide to put an end to your fuckaround-behavior, and actually marry your dream partner in crime.

Virtues like :-

Honesty.

Trust.

Respect.

Humility.

Understanding.

Support.

Unconditional love.

Kindness.

Care.

Warmth! Friendship! Friendship!

And, most certainly, (a not to miss)

A Holy Fucking humor.

Yes, make sure you tick all those boxes before deciding to fire your fucking shuttle ae’!

Good luck!

Nites!!

✌️& ❤️

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Self Reminder.

That’s all you get from me this week.

As a matter of fact, if you pay close attention; that’s all there is to live a peaceful, full life and sure, death too.

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Understating and understanding, that nothing must matter. That, Nothing will matter — was a ball dropper.

This was a necessary respite, in the face of occasional, excruciating drama — life sometimes malignantly inflicts upon us, whether we want it or not! Whether we’re prepared for it or not!

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Before going any further, I want to be clear on one thing :-

And that is…

To me, becoming wise, is not a swank.

Instead, it has always been about my surgical curiosity to learn more. The obsession, precisely.

To me, it’s a shameless journey of my journey. (Shameless, because I still don’t know much about so many things.)

It has always been like that and it’s worked for me thus far.

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Around the same token, one of my dead friends, Marcus Aurelius, suggested, “Life is opinion.”

Dope!

Laconic.

Fucking Powerful!

Nuclear!

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I remember, I’d cried many times over someone else’s poor judgements over me, my substance, my character, nature. And, my family have also shed tears for the same unsexy cause.

Also, my recent read The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life.’ by Rosamund Stone Zander wherein she argues around the same lines as Aurelius intended. She writes, “It’s all invented. Everything in life is an invention. The way we see things. The way we measure things. The way we compete. The way we judge ourselves.”

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So, Folks, the world is ever-changing. It will change more.

Life, well,.. sadly more often than not– ruminates around the inevitable suite of poorly-formed, ephemeral opinions which our heart and minds blindly, and dearly hold for us. Without objectivity, without weight, without real inquiry!

So, Folks,

at times, with time —

Unfuck.

Change.

p.s.

p.p.s.

On a side note, I’d also recommend you dig more on — Memento mori too.

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“A year from now you will wish you had started today.”

~  Karen Lamb

No instagram. No whatsapp. Facebook had been long trashed out of the window for as many as half a decade years. No viber.

Yes, Presently. Yes, SoundHeal. Yes, long breathes. Yes meditation. Yes, GYM. Yes zumba. Yes, Spotify Premium (thanks to didi). Twitter has always been a handy pal to keep (however, i deliberately self-indulge with her, sparingly, carefully). Yes, iBooks. Yes, real books. Yes, more code katas’. Yes, real shits!

Why I unplugged?

Simple. We live in a time where we’ve set ourselves to so many priorities, each competing for our priceless time.

No wonder, we’re all ridiculously busy, aren’t we?

But, I’m rather curious how much of our Business proxy is at our favor?

How much?

Again, no wonder, we don’t have time for ourselves too. Just look at your daily rat-race infested routine. Commitments and Responsibilities. And yeah, Phones. Awful Fuck!

Sure enough, we’re mostly sleep walking, taking everything on and along or way for fucking granted!

Or at least, such had been my reality for such a long time.

Context

I was never a phone person. And, I still keep her at a fine distance. But after so many messages, and unattended calls. After such many beautiful people expectantly waiting for my text/ call back. I just wanted to breathe, briefly! All for myself!

That’s mostly why!

Goonja di. Puku. Manish. Didi. Mummy. Daddy. Dai (twin brother). SV — one way or the other would advise :- Live a little for yourself. Openly. Selfishly. Selflessly.

FuKingly!

Intentionally.

Freely!

Duly.

Reclaiming what’s mine; my freedom, my s.e.l.f, thus, on a digital sabbatical mode indefinitely.

Hopefully I’ll be back soon!

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