“You must be very very careful who you share your best and the bitter news with.” ~ Jordan Peterson
Please raise a glass for our brand new contributor to the blog. This is her story.
Today is a rant day. So bare with me.
Chapter One: Heartbreak...
For the past couple of weeks, my dearest ‘anxiety‘ had sustained longer than it had ever lasted before.
Catalyst?
Well, this story throws back to three weeks from today. I and my boyfriend were engaged in a thought-provoking conversation over an issue that was eating me up for several days and nights. Later, followed by many other bits and pieces of chats here and there, wherein I was again left figuratively alone — even more anxious, even more torn and confused and hurt.
Aftermath: I would wonder if my curiosity over the matter-in-questions were legit? I’d ask myself if he’d feel any more burdened in any ways with my heart-heaving and brain-freezing dilemmas? I’d also wonder what has changed in our chemistry (why does he not listen for fuck sake)? Honestly, I would even doubt if he’d ever care to understand the depth and the breadth of my private, silent battle or that If i feel confidently comfortable to share my plights with him anymore?
In toto, I saw my grip over our awe-cherished relationship slipping,.. suffocating with every dusk!
In consequence, I’d try to console myself with a fucked up cliché announcing “Let go and let god!“
As a consequence, I’d pretend everything’s all right and that the chips will ultimately fall in their place someday!
In a nutshell, I had forced myself to living a beautiful, sophisticated lie; which without my knowledge was piling up mountains and mountains of more doubts, and more worry and fear and withdrawals, and fundamentally anxiety at it supreme best.
Chapter Two: The silver lining...
Today, out of pure coincidence, we both sat face-to-face over a video call. And talked as we walked through all those bugging, crying, numbing, hurting, killing and confusing shit loads of shits.
Today, we did not text.
Today we sat and poured-out, poured-in.
Today, we figured together that the elephant in the room for all my angst and his’s too, for all my agitations and his’s too, for all my fears and his’s too WAS largely because of our choice of choosing to text whenever we’d chew over complicated matters.
Today, we learned; Talk to Text!
p.s. He’s right, Relationships, be it with yourself, your parents, siblings, boyfriend, girl friend, best of the best friends … are not easy shits!
Namaste.
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