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I made it anyway

Published September 30, 2022 By Bijay Shrestha

Our actions may be impeded . . . but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.

~ Marcus Aurelius
uo

^{Cold Cold Night – Raghav Meattle}

For the last two days I had been occupied in a small treasure hunt.

I was preparing the introductory slides for Sauravi, and as I was adding the pieces and connecting the dots, I had to navigate through tons and tons of old photographs.

Well, I tell you, deliberately digging the past has its perks.

I feel more grateful that things are better today than it was before.

I feel I had been through so much that I can cry and still feel the warmth of perpetual joy.

I feel all the uncertainties and all the terrible shits I’ve been through gave me a unique skill to camouflage my colors; gave me skills to bend my ways as situation unpacked.

Those photographs also had me thinking about that one time when I went through a jungle of monumental panic attacks and heart pacing anxiety.

But then I made it anyway.

We all will.

Namaste.

^{Hello World – Sauravi}

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So much happened

Published September 23, 2022 By 8ijay.shrestha

Grateful ~ author

^{“My Mind” Ryan Harris}

I almost disappeared for a month from Musicpervs. Not that I have not admitted it before that I don’t promise anymore that I’d post a post every Thursday. Because only after coming to the US, my life completely switched gear from a known-comfortable mode to the strange-survival one. And, I had to juggle many priorities balls. I still do.

For instance, in the last one month or so; so so much have happened. So, so many things have occurred. Let’s scratch the surface here and there. Wrapping up on-campus courses. DE Midterm Exam. Job Interviews. Interview Preparations. Incomprehensible fatigue and mental vomits. Landing offers. Accepting one. Moving to San Francisco. Walking like crazy looking for apartment after apartment. Exploring this awesome city. Investing time and energy on Marketplace. Arranging and adding basic stuffs in the apartment and so so much more.

Most definitely, so much happened!

The most important thing for me personally, however —

is I enjoyed each moment of every moment that passed the time they were passing.

is I was nervous but nervous for the right mission.

is I was afraid but afraid of the right adventure.

Every freaking thing was worth it. Perhaps, someday I’ll write in length about this mixed-bag experience on this anew city.

Namaste!

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El dorado

Published September 15, 2022 By 8ijay.shrestha

There’s joys to be found in words.
There’s word to be found in a joy.
~ author

^{All In Blue – Logan and Isabel}

Samyog and I have been doing too much of ‘El dorado’.

And Sauravi is annoyed for sure. While I can’t tell why I keep saying ‘El dorado’ this, ‘Eldorado’ that, I am sure Samyog doesn’t have answer for himself either.

For me, it’s just a word that brings joy for now. I don’t know its meaning. I’d rather care not to know. And, perhaps … perhaps I will stick with it for a while.

El doraro it is!

Namaste.

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I am Preparing

Published August 11, 2022 By 8ijay.shrestha

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

^{Ber, Charlie Oriain – Meant To Be}

I am hitting hundreds and thousands of things at the same time.

I am preparing.

I am lost, I keep losing track of times, I am constantly distracted trying to get undistracted.

I am preparing.

I am watching tutorials. I am writing emails. I am helping friends with their coding problems. I am taking notes of things i learned. I am talking to people who matter. I am hungry and I am eating cookies. I go back to the tutorial again. I take notes again. I receive one message from a friend, I go and reply. I go on a restroom break. I feel like I need a break.

I am preparing.

I am watching one tutorial and then I would not understand one thing in particular. I go around the internet and try to get a T-depth understanding (as they call it). But then I end up picking something else. I end up remembering something else I once needed to work on or should’ve already worked onto by now. I end up finishing nothing.

I am preparing.

I don’t have one priority. I have four.

I am preparing.

I am trying to make sense-of-it-all.

I am trying to unblur the blur.

I am trying to take babysteps to not get overwhelmed with everything happening around me. Long story short, I was used to particular lifestyle of grinding and grinding and grinding for the lectures, exams, assignments and projects and now there’s an open road out there and I’ve to use my gut instinct to figure out the right path on my own.

I am preparing.

Namaste.

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Flowers

Published June 30, 2022 By 8ijay.shrestha

Matt Wills & Ellysse Mason – Perfect

It makes sense.

Don’t gift flowers.

Perhaps, a pot with a flower will do.

Namaste.

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I am here

Published June 23, 2022 By 8ijay.shrestha

Just Show Up ~ Anonymous

everytime we fall – noui

It’s been two weeks I’ve not written a word.

This might come as an excuse but I honestly was exhausted because of the exams and other in-between errands here and there.

I don’t know why my right leg is paining so much. Perhaps, like solution said it might be an aftermath of the swimming that we did on the weekend. I don’t know.

Well, I’m well aware of the philosophy of ‘Showing up’.

So here I am!

I am here.

Exhausted.

Excited!

Beaten up.

Lost.

Hopeful!

Confused.

Afraid.

Brave!

Namaste!

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Marriage

Published June 2, 2022 By Bijay Shrestha

What do you do when you get married? You take someone who’s just as useless and horrible as you are, and then you shackle yourself to them.
Jordan B. Peterson

^{Emilioats – Youth}

“Marriage is not — a contract. Marriage is not — abiding by my some protocols or laws or rules. Fulfilling relationship or marriage is at least not about — saying, If you have this, this, this quality, or If you do this, that, this stuff, or even faintly borrowing the belief that your partner has to be exactly like that ‘kind of person’ (a metaphorical template in your head) or that your partner can’t be flawed.. That’s not marriage and that barely looks like a joyful relationship. It’s a disaster.

More so often, we tend to believe that successful marriages are ones where we are comfortable all the times. No! Matter of fact, borrowing it from Jordan B. Peterson, he says,

“…successful relationships are all about creating a space where the boundaries are clearly defined, and each partner can trust the other to be completely open about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.”

Marriage, is trust.

Marriage is a commitment to not lie, no matter how acidic it is.

Marriage is not hiding a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g in the fog.

Marriage is genuine respect.

Marriage is building each other.

Marriage is supporting one another.

Marriage is acknowledging the dispute and trying best to resolve them with grace and openness.

Marriage is equal partnership. 100% his, and 100% yours! [Yes, she shared me this link,, and it makes total sense.]

Marriage is absolute transparency.

Marriage is a reliable, comfortable couch.

Marriage is freedom! Freedom to seek freedom. Freedom to ask for freedom. Freedom to be free. Freedom to be ‘you’ without judgement, without-a-question!

Marriage is so many things, but there are thing that sits at the core (for me personally),

— it’s respectful communication

— it’s friendship

— it’s ‘having a good senses of humor’.

— it’s a pure vow to remain a team!

Namaste.

p.s. Bonus song here.

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Five Years

Published May 26, 2022 By Bijay Shrestha

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

BALEN – BALIDAN

What is your plan five years from now?

This is not necessarily is a standard Job interview question. After reading a short article from James Clear (author of Atomic Habits), I realized that this one question is in fact one of the most crucial questions one ought to ask themselves.

I’m not BS-ing, this one question must be

our destination — that will keep our ass on where it needs to be,

our lighthouse to follow — while at the same time serving us as a beacon for our own navigational aid to the road of the unforeseen future.

our fear — that will keep us discipline,

our friend — that will never betray us from becoming our best selves regardless of whether we attained what we set out to achieve.

Which is why, ask, Where do you see yourself five years from today?

James Clears writes,

“Most big, deeply satisfying accomplishments in life take at least five years to achieve. This can include building a business, cultivating a loving relationship, writing a book, getting in the best shape of your life, raising a family, and more.
Five years is a long time. It is much slower than most of us would like. If you accept the reality of slow progress, you have every reason to take action today. If you resist the reality of slow progress, five years from now you’ll simply be five years older and still looking for a shortcut”

Namaste.

p.s. The quote in the beginning of the post was sent to me by Professor René Erickson. Will forever be grateful for her!

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Family

Published May 19, 2022 By 8ijay.shrestha

Family is all I‘ll ever have and need. ~ Ed Sheehan

^{Tamzene – Called You Out}

These couple of months, I have not been able to talk to my family as frequently and as normally as I used to. Sometimes, especially whenever I am alone (mostly exhausted, mostly stressed and mostly sleepless); the thought of not keeping up with mum, dad, brother, sister, and including people I give a shit about — eats me up.

However, a question. What is important? Also follows.

It saves me from the blue pill of regret or FOMO in general.

One of my mentor, Dr. Jordan Peterson, says,

The purpose of life is finding the largest
burden that you can bear and bearing it.

I am trying my best to walk on this path.

However.

Contrarily,

I lost emé (my grandmother) a year ago. She was family, and the pain of her loss is still here with me. As I write. As I think trying not to think. This pain will always be with me. She will forever be my fresh wound!

Consider this my self-cry :-

I want to enjoy my family.

I want to spend as much of my time and energy with people that matter to me. People that are my family.

Namaste.

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