No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man

Heraclitus

This is absolutely random. These are few highlights of my lowly life in the past.

I was a boy who use to dream in my dream of owning an iPod shuffle — for the love of music. That little music player device launched by Apple on January of 2005. It was priced mere $99 for a base model then; Light years ahead of my acquisition aspiration.

I was a boy who long before I was able to afford a Honda Grazia, had to take public transports for almost 7 years right after high school, and have been through all the worst nuances possible that a public commuter goes through day-in-day-out.

I was a boy who have had to work for 3 months without pay in one of the software firm for the love of learning how to code.

I was a boy who couldn’t afford to rent an academic regalia also known as cap and gown for my undergrad. In that pretext, I remember Mr. Soong (then CAO of Islington College) teaching me never to beg for anything in life and rather earn it.

I was a boy who have had to earn enough to save enough to pay for my study since my high school. I had realized very young that I have to be the steward of my own ship.

I was a boy who was always dead broke no matter how much my paychecks went up over time.

I was a boy who had forgotten how to smile,.. how to laugh, how to connect to people. At times I’d deliberately watch comedy movies or something alike just so that I can stimulate the dopamine rush

I was a boy who’ve had tons of rejections. Name it. Europe. US. Girl.

I was a boy who’ve shed handsome volume of lonesome tears.

After almost one and half years of stressful application development experience on a startup firm , I had yet to go through the worst phase of my career as a manager. I was a lead of a new team that I inherited (didn’t form the team on my own), and remarkably failed at building connection with the old folks of that team. Self doubts, Gaslights. Anxiety. Insomnia. Anger. Rage. Unfair Judgements — were on the buffet. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe it was just another lesson round the corner.

So many twists and turns in education.

So many twists and turns in profession.

So many twists and turns in life in toto.

I was a boy who’ve had to do a lot of mistakes to learn my lessons and navigate through life’s pacific.

Looking back, I adore these episodes of my life.

Looking back, I am grateful they happened.

Made in Mudpuddle.

I am better now.

Namaste.

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She’s a keeper.

~ author

This past week I wrote something for my sister.

The idea about writing for her, about her, to her came to me naturally because

while these days I’m with her,

I still see how hard, how really really hard she works,

I see how she tries all her best to make sure that I’m cared for, that I am looked after, that I am comfortable.

Not only that.

I’ve been her for a month and this has been the longest I’ve lived with her after she got married. And as I watch her intently I can see the scars left by the claws of many, many shitstorms she’s come out of. I’m so fuxking proud of her!

I know anything I’d write for her would never osmoses through your skins because our experience with anybody, or anything — human, non-human is subjective. It’s always personal. Yes, for sure I can say, ‘she’s the best sister in the world’ or whatever but it doesn’t say anything about her (my sister) in particular. Because the idea of ‘best sister’ is so so many generic things.

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But for sure, I can explain what I had written about her.

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She’s priceless. This is personal, because there’re only very few people in my life that I consider non-disposables/ non-replacables.

She’s organic. Because, she’s hardcore authentic. She means what she means.

She’s selfmade. She owns her struggles. She owns her losses. She owns her victories.

Unpretentious. Original. Because, she will never do deceitful craps.

Kind & Lovely. Because, she really really does her best to care of people, to love them, unconditionally. However, it has to be earned though.

She’s a fighter, made of dreams. She has withered so many horseshits, she’s all about no bullshits. And, yes … she has dreams like any of us.

She’s a flower, made of beautiful stories! Because you will definitely feel her vibe and the absolute presence when she’s around. She’s fragile, she’s vulnerable, she’s beautiful, and if you’re lucky to be able to spend enough time with her and earn her trust– you’ll get to really understand her core and corners through her life’s ups and downs.

Namaste.

p.s. Tomorrow’s her birthday!

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Just remember, you are lucky to just.be.alive. Remember more often.

author~

I have learned this very early when I was at the dawn of my teenage year.

We ought to have strong, ferocious, fearless appetite to chew, eat, and digest stress(es).

Jordan B. Peterson succinctly, and precisely put it, “Life is Suffering.”

It’s pointless to be whining about one.

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Sweet reminiscent.

There have been plenty of anxiety-full instances in my life.

I’ve trembled in front of people — for real, not metaphorically. Shamefully.

I’ve had many, many, so many sleepless nights. They were painful.

I’ve had meltdown(s). I’ve cried alone countless times, because I’m clueless, directionless, afraid.

I’ve had episodes after episodes of terrible headaches, burning eyes, weary, soulless, ill-stricken body. Long days. Cold nights.

I swallowed them all.

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This past week, I was talking to my twin brother about the same.

One of the greatest strength or call it virtue of a man and a woman is his/her capacity to wither storm, to be strong when situation demands one, to deliberately seek for discomfort, to invite stress(es) of utmost utility.

In short. Seek for right kind of stress. And, it is our ultimate responsibility to take care of ourselves, to be kind to ourselves, to rest, re-energize, re-walk as we navigate this treacherous peaks and valleys of life.

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Lastly.

Can’t run from stress.

Can dissolve stress.

She will show up the next morning soon as you open your eyes.

She will demand a welcoming kiss, a warm embrace.

See,.. she’s not really a bad one to be around.

Balance is tricky so is challenging.

For, she grows in you.

You grow with her.

Namaste.

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“The greatest illusion,” said the mole, “is that life should be perfect.” 

Charlie Mackesy

I had read the ebook version of the book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox – and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy on early 2020 — from start, all the way to the end in just about an hour or so. But then I wanted to buy this book on hardcover, and have it beside my collections of bedside books.

Finally Solution gifted me the book this week as we were talking about it on one of shopping trip to ‘Target’ in Richmond.

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I bet, you will not regret spending your money on this world class but equally unflatteringly-simple, and digestible piece of work very much handy for our day to day contemplation of life in general. You can also find the video adaptation of this book on apple tv. Check on youtube for trailer by clicking here.

Skinning more on Charlie’s work — whenever I personally feel or tend to feel overwhelmed; I know i can always go through any random pages in the book and ultimately find peace with be it my on-hand or out-of-hand circumstances the way they unfolded. For, I for sure know this book is no less than a magical paracetamol for the feverish ones.

So, go my friend.

Enjoy the unwavering, fruitilicious, true-as-gravity wisdom with a cup of whatever you like –tea, coffee, soda, water.

Namaste.

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“Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby”

― George Bernard Shaw, Pygmalion

I enjoy cooking. I didn’t know until I’ve been cooking more and more lately.

It’s been months.

Personally, It really doesn’t matter how food on the table ends up being but I deeply find the process of making — meditative. Chopping of vegetables. Watching the cook tutorial video over and over. Making sure the right amount of water, the spices and condiments goes in. Making sure I stir them frequently. The exhaustion of legs as a result of standing for a long time. Skin burns because of the oil and the hot utensils on fire. Food presentation. Cleaning the kitchen over and over. Doing the dishes and putting them where they belong and finally taking a satisfying well-deserved rest.

Cooking in a way has become my friend, a getaway place to dissolve my stress. An alternative to un-work my worked-up brain.

Never have I ever cooked to this extent ever.

Never have I ever thought I’d cook … i can almost anything.

I don’t know maybe this is a one new hobby I’m developing.

I don’t know maybe I enjoy cooking because in a way it is saving me one day at a time.

Namaste.

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“The best climber in the world is the one who’s having the most fun.”

Alex Lowe – Mountaineer

I bet people

who’re fulfilled,

more satisfied,

who feel complete,

who’re for the most part cheerful, kind, gleeful,

people w.h.o.e.v.e.r gives you the vibe of utter positivity and genuine, heartfelt warmth,..

— more than anything, joy is at work.

Like they say, “Happiness is abstract.”

I mean what does it even mean when you say someone’s happier?

Because, happiness’s a lot of things. For riches, more freedom can be happiness. For dirt poors, a food on the table can be a happiness.

However, Joy’s objective. Joy is the blood to the heart.

Namaste.

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You cannot do kindness too soon, for you never know how soon
it will be too late.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Today’s post is specially dedicated to my grandmother (Emé)

Emé use to say, “Be nice, son! It gives you a lot many things for action that simple because the alternative is unbearably painful. You sometimes even would wish of dying!”

The day of that conversation as she was nurturing me as she was crying the same time is still as fresh in my mind today. It shall only die with me.

On the same note, a couple in their early 100’s who’ve been married for 82 years confronted; the pedestal of their larger-than-life-marriage has been fundamentally attributed to being nicer and respectful to each other.

Human by birth has been a social creature.

Today, I would disagree when someone says, “Oh! I can live on my own. Alone. I’ll be fine.” Well, there were times when I use to utter the same words. However, later only I’d know that it’s merely the ego speaking; It’s at core a low resolution, loosely constructed mindset — proxy-fueling our journey to fulfilling life’s finish line .

Fact is, human need human. Although, not too many!

Which is why, specially for a couple to remain a couple — be nice!

For a son to be a son — be nice.

For a friend to be a friend — be nice.

For a sister to be a sister or brother to be a brother — be nice.

For a human to be a human indeed. Be nice.

For I can’t stress this enough, being nice is so damn much under-valued and easily thrown out of one’s daily life experience.

Namaste.

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I’m potato. A good one. Maybe not. Maybe yes. Possibly both. ~ author

Few House keeping.

It’s been a week of having unburdened myself from the clutches and craziness of social media apparatus by the name of ‘instagram’ — this lucious bad boy, girl, or whatever.

And, what has come out of this auspicious, long-calling change of habit?

First and foremost, constant temptation to download that glittery, candy-alike instagram.

Secondly, which was obvious to me — i.e.,Munching of Twitter sky-rocketed. I believe maybe it’s a spill-over phenomena. Well, for sure, I need to build a floodgate around my pacifying smartphone-use and instead try to squeeze more juice out of the free hours I’m getting.

I have been watching more chess-videos. For some reason that I can’t explain but myan, I’m hooked on this beautiful game for no obvious reason.

I’m back in the form — devouring as much organic information as I possibly can; as I’ve started to listen to more podcasts all the way to the end. One podcast in particular I enjoyed the most this week was The Joe Rogan Experience #1921 – Peter Zeihan.

I and solution both contradicted Covid. It’s still a mystery who’s the carrier but does it matter? No. What matters? Solution these days is laughing her ass out on my jokes. Precious, priceless times aé!

Furthermore, thanks to Aanchal (one of Solution’s best friends) who introduced me to the song I would want to die with, when I eventually die, of course. This song, the one that came with this post magically calms me down and lulls me to sleep. Beautiful stuff!

And, on the last note, here’s also my bonus playlist.

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Something i want to leave you with today.

An inquiry to self.

Are you honestly living the best version of the life you … possibly, possibly can? could’ve?

Does not necessarily have to be on the silk side of the happy case scenario! That means, if you’re suffering; if you’re going through the tough waves; if you’re going through the rough roller-costers of chaos; if you’re going through the grief and the pain of immeasurable magnitude; if you’re going through the alarming sense of emptiness, loneliness, meaninglessness. Then, suffer with Pride and Dignity! A capital ‘P’ and the capital ‘D’

However, only for the things that’s worth every dime of your energy or whatever you call it because i tell you it’s tempting to suffer for the foolish of reasons.

Hmmm… sure, I myself ask that question every-time I can, that If I’m honestly living the best version of the life i possibly.. ..possibly can. It sort of has become one of those compass I use to navigate through these unknown shit-tons of waters around my own lifeline. While most of the times the answer is ‘Oh! f*ck*ng Yes!’; many-of-times the answer has been ‘no’.

No lies.

And, it’s at this moment I know I need to slow down,

re-calibrate my position in the ground of my life’s roots (values per se),

be gentle and kind to myself,

breathe with grace and intent, and

move .. move nevertheless! Slowly!

Namaste.

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“Happiness is simply the absence of desire… Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.”

James Clear (author of Best Seller Atomic Habits)

It has been a year.

I had been happy.

It’s time I come out of this Pandora bubble.

Sure, it’s charming and comfortable.

Sure, it’s shallow and deceiving.

Like they say, there’s cost associated with everything,

happiness also has a price.

It’s time I return to the root.

Damp. Dark. Disgusting. Dangerous.

For, happiness isn’t promised to anyone.

For, happiness doesn’t promise eternality.

Muddle through!

Let that sink in.

Namaste.

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