I dare no one disagrees less — we most certainly are living in one of the best, the most blessed times, from a vantage point of any human who’ve lived before us.
Just from my own personal experience, must I fold just plenty of years backward, I had never in my life imagined a loadshedding-free country.
Plus, this life I’m fortunate to be living at the moment was also far-freaking-cry.
That today, we bill ‘the internet’ like we pay for our most essential utilities such as electricity and water.
That, transport, food, groceries, even love — are just inches away from our eyes and at our fingertips.
Questions!?
W.h.e.r.e the fuck did we fuck up?
How come we’ve allowed our creativity slash genius muscles atrophy slash malnourished and stupidity and narcissism proliferate at their cost?
How are we more restless, more stoned, more asking, more expectant, more inadequate, more whining, more addictive, more out-of-control, more alone, more depressed, more lost … more suicidal?
How come we’re mostly missing our bed to sleep, mostly spilling our goddamn’ time on far-from-real games and facebook and instagram and youtube and tiktoks.
For fuck sake, how come we’re always tired most-of-the-days on this once-in-a-lifetime Life?
“You must be very very careful who you share your best and the bitter news with.” ~ Jordan Peterson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN_5jNxM0CU
old songs but it’s lofi remix
Please raise a glass for our brand new contributor to the blog. This is her story.
Today is a rant day. So bare with me.
Chapter One: Heartbreak...
For the past couple of weeks, my dearest ‘anxiety‘ had sustained longer than it had ever lasted before.
Catalyst?
Well, this story throws back to three weeks from today. I and my boyfriend were engaged in a thought-provoking conversation over an issue that was eating me up for several days and nights. Later, followed by many other bits and pieces of chats here and there, wherein I was again left figuratively alone — even more anxious, even more torn and confused and hurt.
Aftermath: I would wonder if my curiosity over the matter-in-questions were legit? I’d ask myself if he’d feel any more burdened in any ways with my heart-heaving and brain-freezing dilemmas? I’d also wonder what has changed in our chemistry (why does he not listen for fuck sake)? Honestly, I would even doubt if he’d ever care to understand the depth and the breadth of my private, silent battle or that If i feel confidently comfortable to share my plights with him anymore?
In toto, I saw my grip over our awe-cherished relationship slipping,.. suffocating with every dusk!
In consequence, I’d try to console myself with a fucked up cliché announcing “Let go and let god!“
As a consequence, I’d pretend everything’s all right and that the chips will ultimately fall in their place someday!
In a nutshell, I had forced myself to living a beautiful, sophisticated lie; which without my knowledge was piling up mountains and mountains of more doubts, and more worry and fear and withdrawals, and fundamentally anxiety at it supreme best.
Chapter Two: The silver lining...
Today, out of pure coincidence, we both sat face-to-face over a video call. And talked as we walked through all those bugging, crying, numbing, hurting, killing and confusing shit loads of shits.
Today, we did not text.
Today we sat and poured-out, poured-in.
Today, we figured together that the elephant in the room for all my angst and his’s too, for all my agitations and his’s too, for all my fears and his’s too WAS largely because of our choice of choosing to text whenever we’d chew over complicated matters.
Today, we learned; Talk to Text!
p.s. He’s right, Relationships, be it with yourself, your parents, siblings, boyfriend, girl friend, best of the best friends … are not easy shits!
I wait for Thursdays. Trust me, it is always a blank page and orgy of thoughts.
Well, few housekeeping since last Thursday.
I and my girlfriend opened my long deactivated facebook account. It’s a pacific of cool past shits. I’m certain she’s already dived deep to the bottom of the holy ocean.
Sadly, one of my cousin sister contracted COVID19. She’s recovering gracefully.
Uploaded my first IGTV video. Made with Final Cut Pro.
Created a simple family video. Again, refreshed Final Cut Pro skill.
A cousin brother ‘Nijal Shrestha’ eventually got admitted to ‘Nepal Police Academy’ for his 8th standard after three years of attempts after attempts in a row.
Working on my daily habits cum routine. Hopefully, I’ll soon be back to my 9PM-3AM sleep habit. And, not to forget, she’s also doing everything she can to get me back on my previously adored routine. See, she’s a keeper!
Getting my hands on guitar at least once a day.
Trying to have as much fun with Grand ma. I visit her every day (except for rainy evenings) and we trash talk a lot and laugh our privileged arsee out loud!
That’s long enough already. And sorry for wasting your time.
Now, without further ado, serving you the main dish of the day — yeah, Endless scrolling it is!
First, before I spill science, I want to quickly kick off with my curiosity for ya’all
[ intentional pause ]
Are you also guilty of being a happy prisoner of a social media factory
this seemingly rewarding but profoundly pacifying; this amazing but largely fake and deceiving; this so-easy-to-use but so-easy-to-get-consumed by-and hooked-into; this dopamine inducing, which is not bad in itself but also self-control-shaking and tirelessly,… numbingly habituating us to seek validations and approvals and conformations from others?
If you say —
Hell no!
I fucking love this shit and I love my phone.
Period!
Then, please, don’t bother going any further.
It’s okay.
However, if you are like me who agrees to be sicken with this disease and duly accept the mindless wandering out into the woods of conformity business of social media, then, let’s get our mind dirty one more time with digging and exploring.
So, only five questions to keep this simple.
Question 1: Why do you think ‘Youtube’ has a ‘Recommendation or Explore‘ section with endless videos-autoplay feature?
Question 2: Why do you think facebook’s video feature is also endless with one video after another and then another ?
Question 3: Why do you think instagram has ‘explore‘ feature with endless photographs, stories, and mostly stupid yet sophisticated and seemingly interesting videos after videos of strange people you don’t know and from strange accounts you barely care?
Question 4: Ask, are these social media really, connecting us or just making us more anti-social … and more stupid? Endlessly?
Question 5: How often do you check to see if how many people reacted to your social media posts? How. Many. Times?
Don’t you think it’s weird and fishy?
Rephrasing one of my mentor, Niall Breslin as he says that Our eye balls — meaning our attention, our focus,… our time in general scheme of things are like oils for companies of today. They want to control it, …matter of fact they want to own it!.”
And the science I was talking about,… is so beautifully put together in a short roughly 10 minutes video I’m about to share it with you.
My say: Download this into your brain as you listen every single word there. And take back the control of your life’s wheel.
My message: Stop. Fake. Reality.
P.S. My sincere gratitude and thanks to three of my mentors in the video: Cal Newport (Author: Deep Work), Jordan Peterson (Author: 12 Rules for life) and Simon Sinek (Author: Leaders Eat Last)
P.S. Hats off to ‘Absolute Motivation’ curator for the video.
Someone in the world needs to hear what YOU have to say.
Mel Robbins
Anuv Jain – ALAG AASMAAN
This late afternoon, I confronted to one of my nieces, Reebhusha Amatya on the whys, whens and the hows of ‘Musicpervs’.
On why Musicpervs exist in the first place. On exactly when, the idea of this multimedia blog manifested. On how sadness, yes, you read that right; On how numbing grief — actually painted, tainted, resurrected and re-shaped the edges and perhaps the whole of this small headspace of my private-public life’s journey.
As one of my mentors Mel Robbins says it so eloquently and with such vulnerability and emotions, “Someone in the world needs to hear what YOU have to say.…” And, hands down, I am just as convinced that I had been musicperving for almost a decade now for the same exact reason. Musicpervs is my story in toto.
Expanding further and in the words of Mel herself —
“There’s something inside of you. A life lesson. A story. Wisdom. Something that you are meant to share with the world. And, has it occurred to you — that right now, somewhere in the world, s.o.m.e.o.n.e is searching for you. Someone is destined to connect with you, to meet with you, to hear your story.
You could be a high school kid who’s struggling. You could be an entrepreneur. You could be an accountant. But there’s something inside of you that somebody is searching for, and your job is to find the courage to get out of your comfort zone and share your story and share your wisdom and show up in b.i.g.g.e.r ways. Because, I believe that discovering who you are, that’s meant for you; Sharing who you are and what you’ve learned that’s your purpose for the world!“
Mel robbins learned the lesson from her Yoga instructor Braxton.
So, all in all, Musicpervs, if you’re not aware, merely, authentically, seek to share a recipe but not the recipe to living one complete, graceful and beautiful LIFE from my lens, from people I learn from, from books I read, talks I listen to, things I observe and details I ponder over. Be them raw, perfect or overcooked; Musicpervs from a point-blank is about becoming, discovering, sharing, helping!
Namaste.
p.s. a bonus live track, I enjoy almost every-time I hear it, for you.
Few personal housekeeping this week: Found a journal I use to write at back in early 2009 days. Stumbled upon a photograph of mine of the only zoo visit I’ve had at Jawalakhel when I was probably 10 or 12. Talked to my best friend Manish after such a long gap. Book I’m reading right now — NOBODY WANTS TO READ YOUR SH*T by Steven Pressfield, Re-reading, The Obstacle is the way — Ryan Holiday. Trimmed beard, clean. Dusted off guitar once again. Let’s see! On an only-veg diet for a week (took a stomach worm pill.. haha). Came back on instagram. I average 1hr 11m a day. This is bad!
Fuse – On with Bajra boro, Mooley and Mooli.
Today, I want to talk about Fucked up relationship. Because, that’s what’s trending these days. Isn’t it?
Relationship 101.
So, what precisely is a good-for-gone relationships like?
Simple.
Without undemanding respect.
Without mutual reciprocity.
Without shared responsibilities.
Without downright reliability.
Without rap!
My unsolicited advice :-
Contemplate!
Talk through-and-through, through the depths and the shallowness.
Openly,
Kindly!
Try to Fix.
Sure, T
And, if it doesn’t feel right; Freaking Get out before it grabs you by your neck.
Call it our tragedy, a curse, the disease to Humanity on a broader lens — that we have riches of Ass Holes in our lives. Owen Wilson in a movie ‘The Internship’(Go watch,highly recommended) quotes, “… there’s always some joker who likes to play fuckaround. I guess that’s you, Graham.”
And most certainly, there are these kinds of weird clowns in almost e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e’s life.
The ones, always with an opinion over things with no skin-in-the-game.
Someone who gets immense high in belittling people (at every shot they get) with their satirical injections.
Someone pathologized with a superiority-f**ing-complex. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and that they’re the messiah of truth and only but the truth and that everyone around them are stoned fuckers. Amazing sample ae’.
Someone who finds the likes of masturbatitious pleasure in poking at everyone’s business with their self-centered and blurred and baseless and contrived and limited and intelligently foolish belief system.
Someone who tries to shove-in their pathetic bullshits (mostly religious, or made-up-philosophical recipes) down your throat and into your blood system. These self-acclaimed Harbinger of truths and deceitful Geniuses.
Gross!
Only remember, they’re all-in … all-fucking-in — for lies, and for insults, and for bitching, and for complaining, and for inflicting fears, and for crushing your confidence, and for suffocating the innocence out of you and mushrooming self-doubts in you instead; and for merely, merely corrupting your life’s Operating System, yes, your fucking L.I.F.E with their super dense, and mindless, and careless, and heartless stupidity.
And, if you’re asking how to really notice these pathogens out-of-this-air?
Easy. Butt in the hole — chatbots!
Walaaaah ~~
Carbondioxide for life.
Dumbs for life.
p.s. You know what, spare a life of real cockroach.
You must be in a fucking rat race, obviously. And, so, you’re exhausted because of the repetition of similar days and the ways the nights end for you — most of the time.
You feel empty, absolutely and ridiculously aimless. And, you crave momentary getaway — far, far-fetched from the core of reality.
You’re in a mood (meaning, you’re not clearly thinking). You’re drunk (meaning, f*ckin’ out-of-your head). And, every fu*king cell in your body feelingly screams, cries, craves, … they so fucking miss those good-old things, those wild, f*cking flings.
You’re tired of scrolling the same shits on your phone, obviously. You’re bored. And, something is intricately incomplete by your subconscious measurement. Most of all, the things you have today — they aren’t enough for you, are they?
Don’t lie to yourself myan but perhaps, every cell, every hair in your f*cking body selfishly yearns, shamelessly lusts for some form of lightning, enlightening gratification per se (sexual, non-sexual, and sometimes both).
You’ll scour the hell out of the internet like a desperate zombie. Perhaps, you’ll run through your old messages, the instagram, facebook, messenger, viber, whatsapp, snapchat, Hi5 (haha), … whatever you can get your hands on to crack open the way to your,
Ex.
It’s not your fault. The idea of reaching out to your former boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse via texts, phone calls, DM,or probably friendrequest.
Friend!
Really?
Dude, put that fucking phone down! Breathe.
Okay, allow me to explain. By evolution, we have one flaw.
This think tank; Our brain is weird, you know.
Because, precisely speaking, it never quite registers well — neither the pains of all the pains, the agony, de burns, the sufferings of the past and nor the moments of fattest happiness too. It’s crazy.
Personally speaking, no matter how much I try but I don’t really remember how I really, deeply, genuinely it felt when I had my last breakup.
For sure, I know I cried but F.U.C.K, why? I ask.
[haha]
And this is the same, same reason why we mostly, feelingly, BLINDLY, fucking wholeheartedly go back to the same devil we know, who once raped and ripped us naked and cold blooded.
Don’t!
For fuck sake, stop wasting your time and energy and yeah’ this life in general. Open up your f*cking gifted eyes, and stop running monkeys on the La la land of break-up songs, the comeback songs.
Or, go explore some other random shits like this one.
Finally. Well, despite all this Mahabharata cum Ramayana; if you still chose to just give it a jerk to that jerk off; I will say that there’s nothing for you there mayte’ except the same question I ask,
Today morning, at 8:00AM, The Stoic, an android application in my phone duly notified me of a quote, “Live as though today is your last day”, and that too in the right moment when I needed it the most.
Sure, I’ve heard of a paraphrased version of the same from Steve in this video who himself lost his life to a rare pancreatic cancer on October 5, 2011.
Question remains. Why did i need to acknowledge and account for and absorb this beautiful maxim by Aurelius?
Because, like many of us, i had lost touch with the confinements as well as the fragility of life at the same time.
Because, like many of us, i had forgotten to appreciate life while contemplating death at the same while.
Because, like many of us, I had lost my network connection with life‘s bliss and the unmatched freedom for the web of unending, ever-expanding, forever-exploding work-work-and-more work.
Because, like many of us, I was more and more exhausted and more and more sleepless and more and more neurotic and more and more restless.
Without-a-shred of doubt, Work From Home has had an egregious impact on my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. For, in the last one week alone; the only things I actually remember are — all the shit pile of work, and responsibilities and decisions I’ve had to pull and on deliverables I’ve had to meet and meeting and justification fucker-ies, and problem solving, and the beautiful rain and chess.
That’s about it!
Clearly, I needed to recharge. Re-wind. Retrospect. Rejoice and rejuvenate.
And, sure, re-live. Re-purpose. Rest.
p.s. the why I don’t give a flying fuck about my past; the same why I have no regrets for my past, is because I’ve come to realize that life’s theatre and all the drama that goes inside this weird framework, only cares and knows about moving forward, moving strong, and moving on and on and on.
p.p.s. oh! yeah, and, I almost forgot to tell you that — for an experimentation purpose, all the things I had en-acted today on June the 25th 2020, was tethered around — living as though today matter of fact, was.my.last.
Intimacy to scant and even worst, the excess attention?
Which one do you want in your plate?
Bleh!
Are you kidding me? Of course, we salivate for all the former ones.
For, our life depends on few of these essential life utilities, doesn’t it?
But, we die for that too!
A giant, fat fuck to our stupid, negative bias; We’re by evolution, designed to succumb to our own detriment. Our own unpreparedness, or call it deficiencies. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Whatever you add to the list.
Simply put, we successfully kill ourselves, in the end! Don’t we?
Because, in the likes of pollinators such as Bees’, who’re naturally attracted to the shape, colors and scents of flowers — we’re default magnet to our own ignorance, … to our very, very own suffering.
In this pretext, let’s put love under the microscope — which metaphorically speaking, is a breath and the breadth of life in its entirety.
Okay. Love! Hmmmm.
You seek love from Mr. X, Ms. Y, … in Mr this and Mrs. that, your boyfriend, girl friend, husband, wife, brother, sister,… be it even family; You thirst, hunger, matter of fact, you’re wired to search for love, acceptance, conformance outside but yourself. Science calls this a conformity bias, which, call it tragic — is deeply coded into our cells by nature.
For example, when was the last time you tore yourself up, teared up, felt small and worthless and lifeless, and wasteful, like a piece of stinking shit … somebody’s fucking love, acceptance, grace, attention or lack thereof?
Contrarily, when was the last time you treated yourself for just being alive, for just breathing at will, for the whole day you have for yourself ?
And, whoa, this might sound weird, but have you ever thought of writing yourself a love letter, at all?
Write one. And, keep it near your palm’s reach. Can’t overstate the power of that.
Dear friend, my one and only grain of wisdom that I’d been trying to sow in your beautiful, priceless terrain is that you’re whole all by yourself. That, you are f.u.c.k.i.n.g enough!
That, you must learn to put yourself first.
Love. Yourself. First!
p.s., and for fuck sake, fuck the inevitable biases!
