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Crestfallen.

Published June 4, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

“Stop whatever you’re doing for a moment and ask yourself: Am I afraid of death because I won’t be able to do this anymore?” —Marcus Aurelius

^{Don’t Let It Pass – Junip}

On June 01, 2021 — Ujjwal dai passed away because of covid complications. And, like many were, I was too fornicated mentally when i saw the news of his demise floating over the web like wildfire.

And naturally, I was thrown aback to my first and perhaps one of those weirdest and naive conversations that only my 19/20 years old would produce.

^{My first message to Ujwal dai. He was sweet enough to answer and point me to the right stuff.}

^{My final follow up message threads. He was again kind and considerate enough to point this lost, seemingly weird, cum an unknown strange boy to the right direction.}

The thing was,

I was scouring wildly out on the internet looking for the must-visit places in Nepal and gracefully did stumble upon his nice blog-post on the same along with some really beautiful photographs of Manang (if i recollect right).

2011- we were neither friends on Facebook or any other social media platforms. I didn’t know him personally. And, never have we met either. But yes, I wrote to him, shamelessly! With young-silly spirited blood, I reckon.

And for that, I will forever have a bellyful of laughter because of this weird stunt that feebly connected me to him.

Again, looking back:

I like his blog decorum. Specially for it’s true relevance, the usefulness and a simplicity. Which still stands true till date.

Second, I’ve always adored his simple English vocabs, on each one of his publications. I clearly remember, back in the days, I was trying to improve my writing skill (or whatever you call it) by looking at — how he used to write his.

Furthermore, at around 2013, I ran into one of the video he had published on YouTube which I happily put on my 2015’s earthquake self-reflection diary. I had only one goal in my mind then — to communicate message of hope.

Similarly, I looked up to him for his profound intellect-ism (because he for sure knew his shits well)

Without a doubt, his noble pieces and fragments will forever stay with me for the rest of my life!

With due sincerity, I truly am not enjoying typing this eulogy-type thing.

Alas, Crestfallen!

Namaste.

p.s.

Pay attention to the lyrics of Don’t let it pass!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3sBmHmTFOY

^{Don’t let it pass – Junip}

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Bella Ciao

Published May 27, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

Memories is all we’ll ever have, don’t we? ~ Author

^{Bella Ciao – La Casa de Papel}

Personal stuff!

^{My grand mother holding my hand, teaching me to do ritual stuff during our birthday puja.}

“Nothing will happen to me. Isn’t it?”, I recollect she had randomly asked me exactly twice when we were at the hospital as she was receiving treatment for her illness under close diagnosis.

Her health was showing promising recovery. And, I did reassured my grandmother that we’ll both return home in no time.It had already been 5 days and that painful day, I even remember her requesting my maternal uncle (her son), and did so repeatedly, pleading him to take her home — safe and sound — just for once!

I remember we were all positive about her prospective well-being.

I remember keeping up with her diet chart.

I remember logging in her water-intake sheet.

I remember her holding my hands when she couldn’t stand and sit on her own.

I very much clearly remember our very last happy day!

I remember her final meal.

I remember all the struggles she embraced, fought and endured in hope,

for hope.

[…]

And yes, she did finally leave the ICU bed,

[…]

but at the expense of her life!

[…]

She never returned home.

And, I couldn’t save her.

And now that, that has happened — at least once a week my brain without-a-miss references the fragments of my memories with her, and mostly not-so-pleasant ones.

And, before sadness swallows me,

I cling to distractions.

I reckon,

Life is not designed to be fair.

It will never be fair!

And, the best we can do is — do what’s best for us
given all sorts of unanticipated and thick circumstances,

far beyond our control,

beyond us.

It is for sure that my love for my grandmother (despite her physical absence) will never get less or cease to exist … until I do.

^{Probably my final birthday tika with her.}

On the same token,

I hope you too will love your mattered ones — fully, selflessly, unconditionally

— whenever you’ve a chance … whenever you can.

And, please do celebrate life around you

— whenever you’ve a chance … whenever you can!

Bella Ciao Eme!

🌼🌸🌼🌸

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Quietude

Published May 20, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

Oxygen is anxiety’s enemy. ~ The minimalists

^{Moh – Adarsh Rao}

Today will be the 8th month of my grandmother’s passing away.

Today, I told my mum that I loved ‘maa‘ as much as I love her in between an emotional exchange. I almost cried!

So, very much quickly and in companionable quietude. let’s try to simplify our fridged life for the greater good of our fridg-ed self.

Let’s start with Jordan B Peterson’s — Take Responsibility for your life myaann. And sure as hell, don’t hesitate to take shots — gracefully, whenever they arrive.

And as The minimalists say — Be mostly lightheaded my friends. And, Be content, with enough on your plate.

And like my grandmother use to tell, Be humble whenever situation calls for. And, Be kind, always!

Likewise.

Make meaningful choices. Make — real friends.

Have goals.

Have moves.

Quit wasting time.

Quit — what you know for real that you need to quit!

Breathe!

Namaste.

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Character

Published May 13, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

Gold tests with fire,
woman with gold,
man with woman.
~Seneca

^{Alexander 23 – IDK You Yet}

To weigh in on the character of a person, male or female, Seneca made the algorithm painless and precise for us.

Following are my deductions on the same:

As we measure the purity of Gold by the intensity of temperature we put it into.

We measure the substance in a Woman around the riches.

And, that we measure the character of a man around women.

Somebody said it wisely, (bad) women succumb to greed, (bad) men succumb to lust.

Namaste.

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Merry 25th

Published May 8, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

To have found a love for real is to live a mortal life in heaven. I am not kidding.

~ Author

Dear Bud,

I really really hope you’ve your period soon — and yeah, get rid off all these weird menstruation nuances that has been troubling you since couple of days. Trust me, I always wished that I was with you side-by-side in these difficult and testing times. Someday, perhaps!

And, I hope that this lockdown will soon be over and then we can have your favorite foods which you’ve been long craving and saving in your Instagram and most importantly plan for the get-away that you’ve been so looking forward to.

Likewise, I hope you don’t think too much about your body as we’re forced to live a sedentary life because of this merciless Covid bro. Because, to me, it doesn’t matter what kind of skin you wear or what body shape and size you live in. Only, you and your health matters!

And, I hope I can summon a much needed patience to watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S series with you.

In the same note, I so hope we’ll have tons many Netflix parties and Soap binging waiting ahead for us for our chilled weekends.

And, I hope we get to learn more on pottery and programming together. And, I hope we get to travel more and plus, hopefully — I master the much needed art of taking good-enough photographs.

😊😊

And at last,

I’d hope you never lose a grit and the spirit of living your life — your flamboyant way!

And at the very last, I shall forever be with you bruh. — with or without my physical self!

Merry 25th month of everyday friendship, love!

And here if you may, do sink-into the playlist:

Open in Spotify

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What do you look for in Love? One word.

Published May 6, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

What is love but a favorite song on the loop.
~ Author

^{Gracie Abrams – Stay}

What do you look for in Love? One word.

To me,

it’s friendship. (click that link must you want to explore on friendship)

p.s. and, here are my friends’ and family’s observations on the same:

SabShr: Care.

SauTha: Equality.

ManRaj: Contentment (feeling truly happy from inside — not limited to laughter or smile)

NisAdh, AsmBaj: Companionship.

MonRan, SamShr: Trust.

Mum, PukShr: Understanding.

SabSha: Selflessness (putting someone before yourself).

BisShr: Vibe.

SusMoo, AanPra: Support.

Heartfully wishing all of You that you find the love we all deserve.

Namaste.

p.p.s Want to explore more on love. See this.

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Life’s a lie

Published April 29, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

The Whole is Greater than the Sum of its Parts
~ T.E. Wealth

^{it’s 4 am and i miss your smile and i miss you / a slowed down playlist}

It’s been a real rough week.

I’m just happy that as I write these lines, I can quietly enjoy my iced soda, the music and sure as hell — finally bid farewell to those noisy, difficult to breathe, and hard-to-chew days (metaphorically speaking).

[a long sigh]

Life doesn’t promise us a smooth highway.

Life doesn’t promise us even a Life jacket itself as we get drowned in the ocean of our own formless thoughts.

Life doesn’t promise us objectivity of all the good as well as the bull –shits we’re mixed with.

Matter of fact, life doesn’t promise us shit!

Life’s a lie!

Namaste.

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Thank you

Published April 22, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

I don’t want million eyeballs, and a bizillion validations to my art, but honestly only few minutes from your priceless life!
~Author

^{Yabesh Thapa – Laakhau Hajarau}

There are not many.

There are only plenty few who’d wait for ‘Musicpervs’ every week.

But I tell you what,

there are enough of us to keep it going for forever for as long as I am here.

And so today, I want to:

Thank you — for being my fuel and the furniture.

Thank you — for keeping me grinded and grounded.

Thank you — for bearing with my swearing and sweats.

Thank you my inspirations!

Namaste.

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Pluviophilitious

Published April 16, 2021 By Bijay Shrestha

If she’s your ass-guarder, she most certainly deserves your attention, your affection, your respect and your full life!
~ Author

^{Paravi Das — Cloud 9}

It rained for so long today.

The day was mostly darn dark.

It was for-sure calling for a nostalgic, lo-fi vibe.

It was pluviophilitious.

I was in constant text with her.

But I was also constantly thinking about us.

Our future, specifically.

… thinking, one of us has to leave early as we age (if lucky we get to leave together!).

I tell you, it freaking sends chills down the spine thinking of not having her beside me.

Fuck!

I tell you, there’s no life without her!

Namaste.

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