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With her beside. Watch her, Until the last breath.

~ Author

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey was the first ever non-fiction book I had an opportunity to get my hands on — that too very much accidentally. That’s a separate story for some other time.

One of the line in the book read loud, … all in bold.

“BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND”

It’s been over a decade since I’ve touched that book and quite frankly I have forgotten all the other six habits that Sean put in that wonderful masterpiece with only an exception of this six words maxim.

For the most part i haven’t forgotten it is because the line was always on the back of my mind in all crucial decisions I’ve made. It is a filter all of these decisions pass through.

In the like pretext, when Ryan Holiday introduced me to ‘Memento Mori’ that translated to ‘remember that you must die’ from one of his essays; I tell you — I’ve always navigated my life deliberately, diligently and delicately around these two sharp lines I hold dear.

The inevitable end of borrowed time and the value of beginning anything keeping a sublime end in mind — must be the path, must be the goal.

Must be j.u.s.t.

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Begin with the end in mind

I’ve always done things this way.

I always will.

And, I see how I want to see my life drop the curtain off :

With ‘her’ beside.

Watch her,

Until the last breath.

Slips.

Namaste.

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Life’s good does not necessarily imply everything has to be good. Life’s good.

~ Author

Almost 3 Months without a single word on Musicpervs.

3 months of abrupt sabbatical.

3 months of battle over battle over battle.

Months of exhaustion.

Months of doubts.

Months of laziness.

Months of palpable shame one Thursday after another.

But here we are, .. here I am as I pick up these sticks and bones.

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We had to put down our only pet ‘Sanu’ as she was visibly and painfully seeking help and relief from her failing body.

Everyone in my family sobbed as we bid bye to her beautiful being.

One of the best decisions we believe we made was not to leave Sanu back in Nepal when my parents moved from Nepal to the US. She was a family.

And, for all the time she was with us, we tried giving her the best of life we could. In return, she gave us everything she has. She rightfully so considered us her family.

---

I got married to my long time girlfriend on February 14, 2025.🎉. From seeing her for the first time beside that coffee vending machine at her first day in the job in the Year 2019, she is by far the best thing that has happened to me. Without exceptions!

---

Moved to Charlotte as I roll with the punches. One day at a time.

Life’s good.

Namaste.

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If who you are is what you have and what you have is lost then who are you?

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

10:14PM.

In bed.

Alone.

Feels like vomiting.

I am not happy.

I don’t feel good.

Identity crisis?

I don’t know.

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It feels like I’m being stabbed by a blunt force, not exactly sure what it really is.

It feels like someone has deliberately put a concrete on top my chest and I can’t get it off no matter how much I try, no matter which side of the bed i toss into.

---

I tried deep breath in hope of respite.

I tried talking myself into eating self motivation, high calorie intellectual diet.

I am so so so … not happy!

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I just want to scream it out loud.

That’s all.

Consider these empty, meaningless, tasteless, pitiful and silent word-cry — me shouting on top of my close-to-collapse-dying-lungs.

---

I want to get it out of my system.

I need some sort of echo chamber to contain these thoughts into.

To cleanse myself.

To walk away.

In hope that eventually — everything will be just okay.

Everything does.

I’m okay, I feel okay.

Time to close the chapter for today.

Namaste.

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Without experiencing criticism and rejection in life, it would be impossible to
grow or improve yourself.

M. Kindembo

Every Job application I have applied in these couple of weeks have been turning sour.

All rejections!

“We have reviewed your application and have decided not to move forward with an interview at this time.”

… we have selected another candidate who we believe is the best fit for the position.

It breaks my heart when I see these emails.

---

However.

It has also taught me to work on the quality of my resume.

It has also been teaching me ‘patience’ and ‘preparation’.

It has taught me Rejections.

Failure.

Perseverance.

Hope.

It has taught me about ‘work’ to work hard!

This too shall pass.

Namaste.

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The art of thinking well isn’t easy, but it’s essential. And doing it well is a matter of essentialism—cutting out the extraneous, corralling the negative, focusing on the constructive instead of the consuming.

Ryan Holiday

I look around.

I see people and I wonder —

It would be ridiculously amazing to be able to read the pages of their life;

to be able to read their mind; to be able to know then inside-out without judgement.

I believe this strong urge is born out of urge to step away from the ‘reality’ framework, or momentarily shift my darn attention from my-own-self.

Matter of fact, you see, this happens to us all the time and we don’t even realize it.

For instance, say you’re watching a movie or soap series — only to realize you have sub-consciously put yourself in the shoe of the protagonist at play. Your life albeit briefly flows through the timeline and the plots and the scripts of that movie in play.

Hmmm…

Just one of those random train of thoughts.

Namaste.

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Privilege is invisible to those who have it.

Prof Michael Kimmel

Never in my wildest dream have I ever thought of living the life I am currently living.

Oh, for sure I had dreams of one day making it to the states and doing all the things I wanted to do.

I tell you what I did them all.

And, tell you what — I now have more ambitious aspirations,.. more wider roads to trod, … more bigger dreams to keep me awake at nights .

I don’t know, ,maybe that’s life!

I firmly believe the ‘rest’ must be earned and deserved!

On that note, with all these lucks, and the doors of gratitude opening up for me; with this awe of walking on life’s red carpet in my head, I tend not to fly high on this privilege drug. I seek not to sway away from the roots where I grew. I meditate all the more on the idea of becoming… discovering…

I don’t complain.

Namaste.

Bonus video here.

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A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

By-design we want predictability.

We detest change. We want to avoid it at any cost.

Matter of fact we strongly crave for security. We yearn for easy life.

We desire stable, forever wonderful-world but not at the cost of peace-of-mind and suffering.

However.

What I have also realized is — without stepping into the unknown; without willfully-taking risks, without sacrifices, and without the discomforts and sufferings there’s no stability; there’s no real-progress; there’s no real-growth.

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Soon I’ll be bidding bye to Bank of America — my current company.

The first company I worked for in the US.

The company that introduced me to the US tech ecosystem.

The company where I befriended wonderful colleague, understood the depth and the breadth of US banking. Most importantly with Bank of America, I get to kick-off my professional journey here in the US which perhaps once was only a dream.

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It’s scary as the day nears before I finally uninstall the VPN application, and get off the Bank of America’s grid, and scour out onto the wilderness from these used-to comforts.

Contrarily.

I also have this wave of excitement and tingling sensations for a new destination and the path that lies ahead.

Namaste.

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A common denominator among greats — Consistency.

Musicpervs

Musicpervs announces, “I write every Thursday”.

But I haven’t been able to keep up.

I almost came to accepting the idea that a break should be ‘okay’.

If anybody is following the stuff here, I apologize.

I take full responsibility for not being able to deliver on my promise.

Shameful.

Shitful.

Silly.

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The work is Consistency. I have written one of two things around that water.

I have trodded on its path. I have seen its waves and the fond it painted in my curious heart.

I worship her. I abandoned her.

Matter of fact I fully subscribe to the idea that devoting our life into being consistent at any thing, in any form of noble pursuits is a must.

Must!

And, regardless of the end result (success/failure); there’s always that learning to gain.

I will be consistent!

I will embrace her once again. This time more carefully. Heart-fully. Wisely.

Namaste.

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