Category: Uncategorized

Not happy

Published January 2, 2025 By 8ijay.shrestha

If who you are is what you have and what you have is lost then who are you?
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

^{BEAR’S DEN – ABOVE THE CLOUDS OF POMPEII}

10:14PM.

In bed.

Alone.

Feels like vomiting.

I am not happy.

I don’t feel good.

Identity crisis?

I don’t know.

It feels like I’m being stabbed by a blunt force, not exactly sure what it really is.

It feels like someone has deliberately put a concrete on top my chest and I can’t get it off no matter how much I try, no matter which side of the bed i toss into.

I tried deep breath in hope of respite.

I tried talking myself into eating self motivation, high calorie intellectual diet.

I am so so so … not happy!

I just want to scream it out loud.

That’s all.

Consider these empty, meaningless, tasteless, pitiful and silent word-cry — me shouting on top of my close-to-collapse-dying-lungs.

I want to get it out of my system.

I need some sort of echo chamber to contain these thoughts into.

To cleanse myself.

To walk away.

In hope that eventually — everything will be just okay.

Everything does.

I’m okay, I feel okay.

Time to close the chapter for today.

Namaste.

Rejections

Published June 6, 2024 By 8ijay.shrestha

Without experiencing criticism and rejection in life, it would be impossible to
grow or improve yourself.
M. Kindembo

^{Tuta Pull Wahan | Deepak Rathore}

Every Job application I have applied in these couple of weeks have been turning sour.

All rejections!

“We have reviewed your application and have decided not to move forward with an interview at this time.”

… we have selected another candidate who we believe is the best fit for the position.

It breaks my heart when I see these emails.

However.

It has also taught me to work on the quality of my resume.

It has also been teaching me ‘patience’ and ‘preparation’.

It has taught me Rejections.

Failure.

Perseverance.

Hope.

It has taught me about ‘work’ to work hard!

This too shall pass.

Namaste.

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Thoughts

Published May 16, 2024 By 8ijay.shrestha

The art of thinking well isn’t easy, but it’s essential. And doing it well is a matter of essentialism—cutting out the extraneous, corralling the negative, focusing on the constructive instead of the consuming.
Ryan Holiday

^{Tu Hai Kahan (feat. ZAYN) – AUR}

I look around.

I see people and I wonder —

It would be ridiculously amazing to be able to read the pages of their life;

to be able to read their mind; to be able to know then inside-out without judgement.

I believe this strong urge is born out of urge to step away from the ‘reality’ framework, or momentarily shift my darn attention from my-own-self.

Matter of fact, you see, this happens to us all the time and we don’t even realize it.

For instance, say you’re watching a movie or soap series — only to realize you have sub-consciously put yourself in the shoe of the protagonist at play. Your life albeit briefly flows through the timeline and the plots and the scripts of that movie in play.

Hmmm…

Just one of those random train of thoughts.

Namaste.

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Privilege

Published May 2, 2024 By 8ijay.shrestha

Privilege is invisible to those who have it.
Prof Michael Kimmel

^{Prateek Kuhad – Co2}

Never in my wildest dream have I ever thought of living the life I am currently living.

Oh, for sure I had dreams of one day making it to the states and doing all the things I wanted to do.

I tell you what I did them all.

And, tell you what — I now have more ambitious aspirations,.. more wider roads to trod, … more bigger dreams to keep me awake at nights .

I don’t know, ,maybe that’s life!

I firmly believe the ‘rest’ must be earned and deserved!

On that note, with all these lucks, and the doors of gratitude opening up for me; with this awe of walking on life’s red carpet in my head, I tend not to fly high on this privilege drug. I seek not to sway away from the roots where I grew. I meditate all the more on the idea of becoming… discovering…

I don’t complain.

Namaste.

Bonus video here.

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Bidding bye

Published April 25, 2024 By 8ijay.shrestha

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

^{Letting Go – Hollow Coves}

By-design we want predictability.

We detest change. We want to avoid it at any cost.

Matter of fact we strongly crave for security. We yearn for easy life.

We desire stable, forever wonderful-world but not at the cost of peace-of-mind and suffering.

However.

What I have also realized is — without stepping into the unknown; without willfully-taking risks, without sacrifices, and without the discomforts and sufferings there’s no stability; there’s no real-progress; there’s no real-growth.

Soon I’ll be bidding bye to Bank of America — my current company.

The first company I worked for in the US.

The company that introduced me to the US tech ecosystem.

The company where I befriended wonderful colleague, understood the depth and the breadth of US banking. Most importantly with Bank of America, I get to kick-off my professional journey here in the US which perhaps once was only a dream.

It’s scary as the day nears before I finally uninstall the VPN application, and get off the Bank of America’s grid, and scour out onto the wilderness from these used-to comforts.

Contrarily.

I also have this wave of excitement and tingling sensations for a new destination and the path that lies ahead.

Namaste.

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Mum & Dad Flies

Published March 14, 2024 By Bijay Shrestha

And it is so simple … You will instantly find how to live.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

^{Kun Mandir Ma – Robin Sharma}

March 14, 2024.

My mum and dad flies for JFK, USA. A total of approx. 26 hours flight including 5 hours of layover in Doha, Qatar.

This is their first-ever experience taking on an airplane. This is their first time ever experiencing anti-gravity thrust force.

Finally, I’ll get to see them in-person after almost 2.5 years since I’ve been here.

And that is why, I am flying to Connecticut tomorrow at 2200 PDT.

Today, I also saw my twin brother cry in-front of me. It’s been a while since I saw him cry the last time. He missed being home with our parents and our beloved pet. I requested him to make something out of the vacuum; out of this fresh cut, the warm despair because I know — our body adapts to the situations it is presented with overtime. We often fail to feel how it felt when we were in profound pain the last time. Again, memory is a weird element.

I also saw my aunt (Rita) cry. She was saying that she’ll miss mom terribly; She considers my mum her immediate guardian, her fun friend, her refuge, her respite.

I reassured her that I’m with her. We all are with her and things are unpacking for the better.

It’s a long arduous, back breaking flight.

I hope mum & dad reaches home safe.

Namaste.

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Consistency

Published February 22, 2024 By 8ijay.shrestha

A common denominator among greats — Consistency.
Musicpervs

_{^{Hawa Ko Lahar – Kuma Sagar}}

Musicpervs announces, “I write every Thursday”.

But I haven’t been able to keep up.

I almost came to accepting the idea that a break should be ‘okay’.

If anybody is following the stuff here, I apologize.

I take full responsibility for not being able to deliver on my promise.

Shameful.

Shitful.

Silly.

The work is Consistency. I have written one of two things around that water.

I have trodded on its path. I have seen its waves and the fond it painted in my curious heart.

I worship her. I abandoned her.

Matter of fact I fully subscribe to the idea that devoting our life into being consistent at any thing, in any form of noble pursuits is a must.

Must!

And, regardless of the end result (success/failure); there’s always that learning to gain.

I will be consistent!

I will embrace her once again. This time more carefully. Heart-fully. Wisely.

Namaste.

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Urgencies

Published January 18, 2024 By 8ijay.shrestha

“Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow, and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.”
Seneca

^{Iron & Wine – Flightless Bird, American Mouth}

An uncle died this week. Purshottam Shrestha.

Took me back to one of those dark places. Again.

A place where tomorrow is not promised.

A place where the best you can say; a place where the wise thing to acknowledge is that no matter how brutal the day was — you still had the day regardless.

With the news, came the wave of ‘Urgencies’ rushing to the shore.

There’s no better time than today.

There’s no best day than this day.

Pritchett wisely put it,

Make your move before you’re ready!

I tell you where big dreams go to die.

They go to the Planning Place.

Getting ready place.

Ahh..

Preparing myself .. and it’s the biggest con job we work on ourselves.

There are so many bones in that Graveyard where people … It’s always something; There’s always going to be set of reasons to wait.

When you’re going to take the risk?

I hope my drive and aspirations are stagnant, static, saturated and still.

I hope I keep believing that life barely is a synchronous series of episodes and events but rather an open, white, empty canvas with welcoming un-expected brush stokes from no one but ourselves. Looking for ways to write it’s own meaning albeit not necessarily only the meaningful ones necessarily. But ephemerally. But, writing it anyway.

I hope I get tired but complain less.

I hope the man in me keeps believing, keeps saying, keeps encouraging me to live the best version of my life!

Namaste.

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Asch Experiment

Published December 14, 2023 By Bijay Shrestha

Knowledge is knowing what to say. Wisdom is knowing when to say it.
Anonymous

^{Prateek Kuhad – Mulaqat}

The Asch Experiment, in order words A group conformity Experiment.

In this experiment, a volunteer is told that he/she is taking part in a visual perception test. What s/he doesn’t know is that the other participants are actors and s/he is the only person taking part in the real test, which is about Group Conformity.

In the due course of the test, the volunteer along with other actors are shown series of line lengths on cardboards. Each cardboards has one right answer among many other options. In each round, the actors deliberately give wrong answers unanimously until eventually the subject doubts his/her own perception of things and rather choose to go along with the group perception instead.

This experiment has been repeated so many times, and the results have been consistent again and again, and again.

In a nutshell, we, by nature tend to bend towards crowd conformity despite the reality/ truth of the matter.

Now that you’ve read thus far, I hope this wealth of knowledge and wisdom sets in your deep conscience for anytime to grab whenever you find yourself rhyming with mob’d dead brain. I hope this small article aspire you to grow to be an original thinker.

Namaste.

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