Thing is ‘You’ dream like I do. You set expectations before even you know it. You lose focus from yourself and drool over someone else’s life’s template.
You fucking sleepwalk like it’s how life’s supposed to be.
And, sure, you run towards your dream life, and that with everything you’ve got in your bones and that too, to the point of your own detriment. Exhausted! Corrupted! All this circus, at an expense of your cool. Your peace of mind. Your priceless present. Your graceful calm!
To add more, you’ll come to the point wherein you’ve bankrupted your whole self over that one wild, wild vision of yours, and all that’d be left of you is nothing but grey hairs, wrinkled skins and a painful vacuum.
[haha…]
I remember a quote from one of my dead pal, Seneca, he writes:
“Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow, and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.”
In the early 2015, I’d read a classic, deep-shit by one of my mentor, Dr. Friedrich Nietzsche, who was also a very hard-core german philosopher by profession.
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
I remember, as soon as i read that hot, sexy, steaming line in the book; it was nothing short of Holy fuck! moment on me.
Because, that was it! That was fucking it! — the true skin, flesh and bones of a very successful failed relationship was all naked there!
Since then, I’ve been measuring my own romanticism’s depth and breadth from this dependable compass long offered to us by Mr. Nietzsche for fucking free.
To the nutshell, I’d request you all to make fucking sure that you’ve all the ingredients of full moon friendship before you would decide to put an end to your fuckaround-behavior, and actually marry your dream partner in crime.
Virtues like :-
Honesty.
Trust.
Respect.
Humility.
Understanding.
Support.
Unconditional love.
Kindness.
Care.
Warmth! Friendship! Friendship!
And, most certainly, (a not to miss)
A Holy Fucking humor.
Yes, make sure you tick all those boxes before deciding to fire your fucking shuttle ae’!
“Objective judgement, now, at this very moment. Unselfish action, now, at this very moment. Willing acceptance – now, at this very moment – of all external events. That’s all you need.”
— Marcus Aurelius
That’s all you get from me this week.
As a matter of fact, if you pay close attention; that’s all there is to live a peaceful, full life and sure, death too.
Understating and understanding, that nothing must matter. That, Nothing will matter — was a ball dropper.
This was a necessary respite, in the face of occasional, excruciating drama — life sometimes malignantly inflicts upon us, whether we want it or not! Whether we’re prepared for it or not!
Before going any further, I want to be clear on one thing :-
And that is…
To me, becoming wise, is not a swank.
Instead, it has always been about my surgical curiosity tolearnmore. The obsession, precisely.
To me, it’s a shameless journey of my journey. (Shameless, because I still don’t know much about so many things.)
It has always been like that and it’s worked for me thus far.
Around the same token, one of my dead friends, Marcus Aurelius, suggested, “Life is opinion.”
Dope!
Laconic.
Fucking Powerful!
Nuclear!
I remember, I’d cried many times over someone else’s poor judgements over me, my substance, my character, nature. And, my family have also shed tears for the same unsexy cause.
Also, my recent read The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life.’ by Rosamund Stone Zander wherein she argues around the same lines as Aurelius intended. She writes, “It’s all invented. Everything in life is an invention. The way we see things. The way we measure things. The way we compete. The way we judge ourselves.”
So, Folks, the world is ever-changing. It will change more.
Life, well,.. sadly more often than not– ruminates around the inevitable suite of poorly-formed, ephemeral opinions which our heart and minds blindly, and dearly hold for us. Without objectivity, without weight, without real inquiry!
So, Folks,
at times, with time —
Unfuck.
Change.
This was me and Sushant Khanal this past week, hiking. Unfucking!
p.s.
a year ago. WTF!
p.p.s.
On a side note, I’d also recommend you dig more on — Memento mori too.
You will realize at some point in time that the most awful fucks anyone can give it to you is but yourself. In other words, in real life, no body will give you more real fucks to you than you yourself will.
Poush – 2076 (Seinfelding)
Painful.
but Beautiful.
I recall, perhaps the only and the most depressing phase of life was during my high school days.
+2
Family was struggling through finances. Didn’t like the school I enrolled in. Didn’t have any friends. Didn’t find one. Didn’t feel like making one! No goals. No role models. Instead, there were no shortages of bullies. Those dumb f-#ers. I remember, they’d call me names, make fun of me in-front of the entire class, which in all sincerity had me feel like a loser — with added seasoning of an absolute disgrace over my life.
At the same time, I had a crush on a girl who wouldn’t give a flying fuck. [Haha..]. Can’t blame her. Plus, was trying to make sense of life and all the bullshits that i had to endure day-in and day-out with no sign of help from anywhere or anyone else. Was teaching bunch of raw slates, less, because i wanted to but more just so that I can pay for my tuition.
What a fuckingly fuck of a messy those times were when-in I had totally forgotten to feel happy or worst — even to put up a smiling face. [Haha..] All credits to my low self-esteem and persistently anal-ized self-confidence.
Fu>k!
Despite, it was at that point in time, I’d found refuge in books. Be it exercise books or the ones from self-help fraternity.
It was then, I’d embraced my own flavor of introverted-ness.
It was then I paid attention to the people I wouldn’t want to waste a fuck for.
It was around that time Musicpervs was born.
More or so, It was because of my ‘solitude‘ friend, I had figured out that self-growth is the only way forward and that I’m the only person responsible for my shits!
Heavy shit ae’.
And, that’s why these calendar habits still runs in my blood, through and through. Painful. But Beautiful!
(And, just so if you’re curious, Jerry Seinfeld is our guy who made this shit nuclear.)
Lastly, around these same waters, I’d like to leave you with some of the wildly sexy and utterly powerful insights which I’ve enjoyed a-fucking-lot, from few of my dead friends :-
“A year from now you will wish you had started today.”
~ Karen Lamb
No instagram. No whatsapp. Facebook had been long trashed out of the window for as many as half a decade years. No viber.
Yes, Presently. Yes, SoundHeal. Yes, long breathes. Yes meditation. Yes, GYM. Yes zumba. Yes, Spotify Premium (thanks to didi). Twitter has always been a handy pal to keep (however, i deliberately self-indulge with her, sparingly, carefully). Yes, iBooks. Yes, real books. Yes, more code katas’. Yes, real shits!
“Take some time off. Unfuck. Live a little for yourself!”
~ Goonja Shrestha
Why I unplugged?
Simple. We live in a time where we’ve set ourselves to so many priorities, each competing for our priceless time.
No wonder, we’re all ridiculously busy, aren’t we?
But, I’m rather curious how much of our Business proxy is at our favor?
How much?
Again, no wonder, we don’t have time for ourselves too. Just look at your daily rat-race infested routine. Commitments and Responsibilities. And yeah, Phones. Awful Fuck!
Sure enough, we’re mostly sleep walking, taking everything on and along or way for fucking granted!
Or at least, such had been my reality for such a long time.
Context
I was never a phone person. And, I still keep her at a fine distance. But after so many messages, and unattended calls. After such many beautiful people expectantly waiting for my text/ call back. I just wanted to breathe, briefly! All for myself!
That’s mostly why!
Goonja di. Puku. Manish. Didi. Mummy. Daddy. Dai (twin brother). SV — one way or the other would advise :- Live a little for yourself. Openly. Selfishly. Selflessly.
FuKingly!
Intentionally.
Freely!
Duly.
Reclaiming what’s mine; my freedom, my s.e.l.f, thus, on a digital sabbatical mode indefinitely.
There used to be times when we were crazy over hoarding musics from 8tracks and share em’ a lot! This was before Spotify, Apple music, or YouTube for us. This was before I had any girlfriends!
😄😄
There used to be times when we use to work our ass off for 38 hours straight and still return back home content and cherry. Islington College will forever rock in our memories.
There used to be times when we use to delight over mo:mos and milk-tea and bike rides of Patan.
Our deep shit conversations late at night.
Our undisclosed, naked plights.
Our bantam secrets.
Our pure, once in a lifetime friendship-starship!
Our hours.
Our ours.
There used to be times when we use to think of being together — for forever!
There used to be times when all todays’ were effortlessly fecking awesome!
Tangal baucha, your playlist’s ready!
And, if anyone would like to have the playlist shared, please comment below with your email.
On the way back home this evening; as I drove past dusts and the dark, I cried again.
Cried for my wretched parts.
Cried for my unpopular, unbeknownst past.
I’ve known sobbing helps.
And, tears are a blessing when the pain is real, when the cut is rich!
Because, if you don’t know it yet, It’s how you actually heal yourself.
Despite, on most calendar days, you pretend to be strong and full but there are also days, you want to wear down that mask and just be by your all-self!
Well, tonight is one of those nights for me.
Immersive. Vulnerable. Reflective.
A whisper cries from within; Says, “You are enough, You know you are enough, stupid! You’reenough!”
[A thoughtful break. With deep, deep long breathes]
— reads his current facebook cover photo’s caption.
He’d been working at F1soft since May of 2014. I joined the club on December 31st, the same year.
Prelude: From our ‘तिमी‘ to ‘त‘, our journey together has brought me an immense joy as well as a deeper sense of fulfillment by virtue of our natural brotherhood chemistry. And, he’ll for sure have a special place in my life forever of forever!
But, hey, before you read any further, let’s be clear on one thing :- this is not about Pukar’s story. Truth be told, I’ve barely tracked or scratched his life’s timeline and plots and whereabouts.
Someone who takes responsibilities dead & dead seriously!
Star Wars. DC. Justice League. Deadpool. Holy! hard core Papon, Prateek Kuhad cum John Mayer admirer.Not to miss the Nepali products (@mheecha, @anthropose, @bhavproducts, karuna, what the fook not) plus Mumford & Sons, Radiohead on the list as well.
Adorable wisecracker. Sarcasm powerhouse!
Bhaley. Bhanubhakta and Lord Buddha.
As Seneca beautifully explains,
[su_quote]“If you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means… When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment…Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself… Regard him as loyal and you will make him loyal.” — Letters from a Stoic.[/su_quote]
It’s because of human like himself, I can believe in the words of the wise that friendship must be fucking unconditional as love ought to be.
Lastly, Pukar bro — yaar, don’t kill me for any of this!
Google Results of Pukar’s meaning.
p.s. Once, my source of good, subtle, suple music.
INEXPLICABLY fortunate to have found.
Now, HYAPPILY married!
Melophile.
Pardon, the jargon. Pardon profanity of our nighttime conversation.
