Category: Musicpervs Week

Reminders

Published December 3, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.” ~ James Clear (Atomic Habits)

^{Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber – Monster}

Reminders to myself.

Keep your Eyes wide open but Sleep enough.

Mouth mostly shut but Mind necessarily free.

Head beautifully cool but Heart kindly warm.

Ears intentionally curious but Anger intimately in check.

Seek Wisdom but Avoid Certainty.

‘Self’ — responsible, lethal, present! And, Character — authentic, resilient, humble.

Take Nothing for granted! And, Give Your All for your all.

And lastly,

Grow.

Grow, and

Keep on Growing.

Remember — ‘One day at a time‘ is the key.

Namaste.

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She’s a Keeper

Published November 26, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Joy comes to us from those whom we love even when they are absent …; when present, seeing them and associating intimately with them yields real pleasure …
~Seneca

^{Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved}

She’s a keeper.

Because.

For Her kindness — that cosmic richness of her heart (from me to pets to the whole humanity).

For Her authenticity — that pure, approximately 1300 grams, one-in-the-world, one-of-a-kind beautiful brain.

For Her meticulous attention-to-detail — that passionately fuck-serious, caring soul.

For Her simplicity — that class and chewable expectations.

For Her work ethic and future aspirations — that mountain-top ambition.

For Her honesty and strength-of-character — that bold poise and weight in her words.

For Her sense of humor — Gawdd! That Telegram GIFs.

For Her beauty — specially that makeuplessness which I’ll forever adore.

For Her vibe — that palpable presence; the energy she radiates around you.

For Her care — that deep, rare, genuine, warm and from-the-heart I’m here for you, hardcore friendship.

For Her unpolished vulnerabilities she openly shares.

For Her adorable, sometimes worrying hypocrisies too.

And lastly, Her smile — myaan. Fuck!

Passa, I loves you forever of ever myannn!

And, most importantly, thanks for bass-ing, embracing and gracing me with your system!

p.s. These adjectives will never confine the noun she is.

Because.

She’s a keeper.

Namaste.

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I cry

Published November 19, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

I tried to hold it in, but tears tear up anyway. I let it be.
~Musicpervs

^{Nicholas Yee – Time (Inception)}

It’s better I confess and move on.

I cry almost, … almost every other night despite this perfect ‘all is well’ cosmetic I put on.

Solitude. Loneliness. I swing in-between. Killingly.

‘Could haves’ clutters up my headspace. Blindfolds me. Squeezes me on my neck and hammers nail right through my literal heart.

Tears tear up.

And, I let it sway me.

And, I wonder after a while,… matter of fact, I wonder after every whiles that perhaps this is called ‘cleansing memories‘ of my grandmother’s final days.

Thence.

Understanding life.

Contemplating death.

Embracing fragility.

Steadily healing.

Namaste.

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The One

Published November 12, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Genuine Friends Don’t Keep Scorecards
~ Marcus Aurelius

^{Prateek Kuhad – did you/fall apart}

I was once unsure if anybody would like me, let alone fall in love with me. or accept me for who I was. I use to feel ugly, lacking, and … fucked gorgeously!

That’s my story when i was in my 10th, 11th, 12th all the way to the 2nd year of my undergraduate degree at Islington. But after that, something organically changed.

Long story short, I clearly remember that this holy ramification in my mindset over my own identity came about only after I met my best friend. Manish — a sweetheart of Tangal, Patan.

As, someone wise, unbeknownst once said, all you need to get through all the shitloads of thick-and-thins in life — is just one person.

Fuck,

He is the one in my life!

He taught me to take care of my own shit. Embarrassing and Inflammatory as it may sound but he honestly did teach me to dress up, taught me to talk to seniors or even the girls; For simplicity sake, let’s just say that HE’s the one who had me Man Up!

Above all, he also (without-him-knowing) taught me an important lesson for life, and, i.e, — to Love Myself!

YES

L.O.V.E

Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F!

He’s a forever — Brother! Friend!

Oh.Randomess

Published October 29, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

“This is the true joy in life:
being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one;
being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live.
I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”
~ George Bernard Shaw on living a life that burns bright:

My Space Is Overgrown – Aayushi

Oh, I’m re-learning to live a more deliberate bijay life.

I’ve decided to put off chess board that had been sucking up my private hours and minutes.

Social media detox. Digital sabbatical. Digital decluttering or minimalism. Purposeful Unplugging, whatever you name it …

I’ve done this many times before. Shamelessly, I’m picking up the gig again.

Just to be clear, I’m not running away from anything here, and perhaps the right way to look at this would be to say — Matter-of-fact, I’m doing quite the opposite. I’m on purpose running towards something.

Time will reveal why for every what!

p.s. Shoutout to my girl who despite my absense verily takes care of ‘the.life.of.bijay.s’.

In the meantime, ‘oh.randomess‘ was born this week. Amalgamation of ‘random’ plus ‘mess’ — that’s how it got the name.

This baby shall grow with time as I let go more and more random beautiful mess from my lifeline (captured mostly with my camera lenses).

I still don’t know why I like creating stuff!

p.p.s. Video contents I went back to this week, again — to exercise my wisdom muscles (which you might as well find as an absolute cracker) are:

1, Quit Socail Media by Cal Newport

2. How to achieve your most ambitious goal by Stephen Duneier

3, Inside the mind of a master procrastinator by Tim Urban

Namaste.

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Rest in Peace

Published October 15, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.
~ Jarod Kintz

^{Vasu Raina – Chalo}

RIP.

Rest in Peace.

Really!?

I’ve seen enough of these three words thrown away just like that without weighing on them at all.

What a disgrace.

In all sincerity, if we’re taking about real grief; If only, we are talking about sense of real loss, real sympathy, real emotions, or feelings, or even real last words for the deceased — what .. what a terrible waste of words these seem for real.

With due honesty, I say what an awful expression to mourn the departed!

Never do that!

It’s like wishing stale ‘Happy Birthday‘ or rotten ‘Happy anything’ to your fake friends, colleague, relatives, whatever — and sure enough, pretty entirely out of pure formality you see.

Because, One — you fucking sure are not ‘Happy’ by any metric … any — when you typed them and sent them away. And Two — you have fucking no clue what does wishing anyone ‘Happy Birthday’ truly mean if all you do is fucking text.

Please don’t give ‘Rest in Peace’ ever. You can always do better than that.

For, we sure don’t know what Resting in Peace is — after death.

At least I don’t, even when I am fully alive.

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Eme

Published October 8, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Most of us have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance. ~ Steven Pressfield

^{Rajamati Kumati from राजमति movie}

Playfully, sometimes I’d call her by her full name.

As I enter her room and make it to her bed near her, I’d shout, “Hello, Ratna Devi Amatya……”. And, every time I call her by her name, she’d confront she didn’t like the sound or the feel of it.

It’s just that I liked to annoy her and look if she’d react any differently.

“Respect from younger to elder has to ensue ~ My RDA”.

Last Thursday, on September 24, 2020, 2:35 PM, Eme took her final breathe in front of me on a hospital bed.

^{Eme’ and didi (on their last birthdays … together). Plus, while we were at the hospital, one of the last best memories I have of her was her deliberately trying to kiss ‘Sahana’ over the phone, as I was showing her the video didi had sent me from their picnic.}

For your clarity: Eme and I didn’t merely have a grandson and a grandparent relationship. Sincerely, when my father’s mum (also my grandmother) passed away I didn’t feel much.

However, to me she was and still is an equivalent of my own mother. She raised me and in the process also unfailingly graced us with her love, her anger, her care, kindness and most of all her contagious sense-of-humor.

For simplicity:

I was. I am. And, I will indefinitely be an extension of her.

I remember: I use to go meet her at least once a week. Because, I knew she’d wait for Saturdays. And sometimes on weekend when I’d fail to show up or get late she’d call. She called! She waited!

For the same reason, Saturdays will always be special for me for forever.

^{One of Eme’s favorite song was Rajmati} ^Kumati

On my last post, I had said there’s a second part to her demise actuality.

This is that (few things Eme has talked to me about in length).

Take care of your aunt (Reeta Aunty) after I am gone! You won’t believe but your uncle’s presence and his mere caring concern alone is sufficient for my aching ailments. Please soften him for his own good! Please, take care of my family after me.
You take nothing when you die. So, give! Share. Never greed. More importantly, seize joy whenever possible and enjoy the day to the possible, perceivable fullest.
Never hurt your parents specifically. Don’t have them or anybody for that matter cry a tear drop because of you! I tell you from experience, Heartburns are the worst form of torment any parents would have to fathom in their life!
Family is all you’ll ever have of yourself, for yourself.
Do what you have to do today. Never put off until tomorrow or wait for the right condition and the right-time.
Mistakes (unless you’re hurting anybody) will be made along the way but son, take them easy. Learn. Course correct. Just, welcome honest mistakes. Don’t yell. Don’t make anybody feel small or unimportant or useless because of their fault.
Don’t be stiff like stick. Flex. Bend! Because, the more conclusions you draw in life and your living in general, the more unhappy you will become. Don’t be so sure of anything, son. Don’t be constipated in your head. Don’t try controlling. Live light! What’s there in life anyway.
It’s very easy to say what’s wrong with everything and everybody around you. It’s comfortable. It’s just rare somebody would dare look within themselves and operate on their insufficiencies. Always look inward first!
Don’t talk much. Do not bullshit!

Namaste.

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Ending can be beautiful.

Published September 3, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”
― Frank Herbert

^{JP Saxe If the World Was Ending ft Julia Michaels}

Endings are heartbreaking.

Endings slaps you; stabs you; swallows you; drowns you.

Endings makes you want to question — why me of all !?

And, sometimes, as horrible, as irrational and as stupid as it may sound, endings can make you want to end your life too.

I used to be afraid of having to feel someone leave, having to see someone die. Honestly, growing up as a kid, I use to wish no one died in my family! And, yes, I use to be a people pleaser as well.

But I reckon — life’s a death sentence mayte’. And the world outside is wild!

And, we’ll all end one fine day.

And, not everyone will be happy for you,.. with you.

Plus, despite that, the world will do just FINE!

Scouring through my own life’s pages:

I’ve seen many cold, dead bodies of my own disappeared in flames in front of me.

I’ve walked away from many relationship(s); ended countless friendship(s) too. Hurtful they be.

So to speak, I’ve let go of so many brain farts that shitted over me.

And, since my 2015 earthquake’s diary — purely out of gratitude, I’ve waved metaphorical goodbye to every day I’ve lived fully, happily, and many-a-times sadly too.

Because,

Endings can be beautiful.

Because,

Endings are beginnings too.

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Working on my procrastination

Published August 27, 2020 By Bijay Shrestha

Concentrate every minute like a Roman – like a man – on doing what’s in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions. Yes, you can – if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that’s all even the gods can ask of you.
Marcus Aurelius (Meditation)

Mree – Goodnight & Goodbye

It’s been a while I’ve noticed a metastasizing cancer within me; Of putting off things for an indefinite period of time, of looking for motivational-porn to do things that are demanding and utterly important!

Sure, I was a procrastinator before as well. And then, I wasn’t like that anymore. But then, I’m again — a human.

I want to confess. I’m working on my procrastination.

Truth be told: I’m trying to explore cum reclaim ‘Today’ (with as much stretch of imagination, possible) and Postpone ‘Someday’.

If you care to dig more into what I’m saying, Joshua Fields Millburn — one of my mentor has put this beautiful animated clip on their channel. What hurts me most is that I knew all this.

In the nutshell, I’m trying to gain control over the steering wheel of my life once again, and for sure, this journey of finding myself has re-taught me that the choices I make each day, matters more than I’ll ever know!

Which is why, Goodbye and Goodnight for today folks. For, I’ve something more important tonight.

Lastly, the video below is without-a-doubt a rare pearl in the ocean from the channel I’d been long following — if you want to truly navigate around the waters of procrastination from the stoic perspective.

Namaste.

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