I came to a party called ‘Life’ — alone. I’ve made peace with the thought that I would leave from here — a.l.o.n.e.
Despite…
Dear Haters, don’t fool yourself into believing that I will be a leftover of this party. Do not presuppose I’ll be alone on my own
only because you have seen me eat at restaurants — alone;
only because you have eyeballed as I cried over my griefs, my sorrows — alone;
only because you’ve heard me celebrate my tidbits of happiness — alone.
My adaptation with lonesomeness. Don’t mistake it for my weakness.
Matter of fact, to be able to befriend lonesomeness and continue the stride forward is my lethal weapon that I’ve wielded over time and tides; It is why I’ve thick skin on me — mostly from the scars you people left with your disgusting, unforgiving, sinful claws.
Matter of fact, I survived from the worst of situations and fought a lone-wolf battle in the skulk of foxes.
All thanks to you, I am able to take a stand for myself.
Thanks to you for the deliberate isolation you perpetrated.
Thanks to you for a peaceful solitude you’ve bestowed me with.
There are no cheatsheets to live a successful, happy, merry life. Life’s grind. ~ author
Jeremy Zucker – Cry with you
Yesterday it was my 5th interview for Bank of America, Charlotte, NC. Tomorrow we’ve one more scheduled for 2pm EST. It’s been precisely 5 months and 2 weeks since I started working for the bank as an Application Architect. However, little did I know, from the month of February, 2023, I would already start taking interviews for the new candidates across the bank’s many software development teams. Little did I know, from the 1st week of March, 2023, I would be an On-shore Dev Lead for an agile team I currently work at.
On one hand, It’s humbling to have trust of my manager, as well as the leads from other agile teams in the bank who’re also amongst the interviewers panel. While on the other hand, I’m also on perpetual spotlight; Where my actions, in-actions, my ways of communicating, deliberate listening, my ways of shaping the interview, my questions, my answers, every words I utter, words that I don’t, … generally my character as a whole is nakedly microscoped by the age-old, white-haired, wise and experienced employee of this giga-normous bank!
Side note: As of today, Bank of America provides service to it's clients from around 35 different countries with over 200,000 employees.
Little did I know I’ll have too much too soon on my vanilla, clean, scared plate.
Lastly, from someone who has taken 100s of interviews back home and already did plenty here, few takeaways for the prospective interviewee, plus a note to myself as well:
Caution: This is not TheTemplate; it's merely just one of many templates that works for me -- specially for technical/ coding interviews:
Don’t ignore non-behavioral questions. Too much talking is a bad sign. Not talking enough is also a turnoff. There has to be a right balance between the two. Qualities such as authenticity, confidence, preparedness or lack there-off always find ways to crack open if there’re any ingrained in the candidate on the table .
It’s always a good thing to dress well for the interview. Amplifies seriousness because the alternative genuinely sucks.
Can’t stress enough,”Be prepared” for the interview (Practice. Practice. Practice). Do not try your LUCK. Do not expect an easy way in.
Ask as many questions before diving into the solution to the coding problems.
Explain how you intend to solve the problem before even writing a single piece of code.
Write.Your.Code!
Show utter enthusiasm throughout the period of interview (this has to be driven by homework of healthy preparedness), and not to miss if you may give signs of willingness to grow at par.
One last thing i liked: If you’re unable to solve the coding challenge problem, tell the interviewers that you’ll get back to them with the solution. And, actually find ways to do it.
I was close to losing a ‘Memento Mori’ medallion. In fact I had already given up the hope of finding it but as it turns out it found me. Again!
I almost passed out at my workplace. Reason: unknown. Prospective suspects: Might be because of exhaustion. Might be the stress. Might be because of poor eating habits. Might be because of lack of sleep.
Neil Strauss, “When cleaning a room, it often gets messy before it gets orderly. The same is often true for cleaning your mind. So be patient and persevere with your own journey. “The only way out is through”.
Question I’m pondering over:
What do I actually want?
I’ve admitted this for I can’t recall how many times but for sure — she’s my Her — that I had forever been searching for.
No lies. She makes me feel like I’m the start and I’m the end of her.
No lies: It’s all about, all the love and all the feels and all these ephemeral precious moments we expend together.
I only wish I can reciprocate a fraction of what she does for me.
For, she has never failed to amaze me with her pure love and grace.
For, she has always been there for me even when I’m not with myself.
I was once unsure if anybody would like me, let alone fall in love with me. or accept me for who I was. I use to feel ugly, lacking, and … fucked gorgeously!
That’s my story when i was in my 10th, 11th, 12th all the way to the 2nd year of my undergraduate degree at Islington. But after that, something organically changed.
Long story short, I clearly remember that this holy ramification in my mindset over my own identity came about only after I met my best friend. Manish — a sweetheart of Tangal, Patan.
As, someone wise, unbeknownst once said, all you need to get through all the shitloads of thick-and-thins in life — is just one person.
Fuck,
He is the one in my life!
He taught me to take care of my own shit. Embarrassing and Inflammatory as it may sound but he honestly did teach me to dress up, taught me to talk to seniors or even the girls; For simplicity sake, let’s just say that HE’s the one who had me Man Up!
Above all, he also (without-him-knowing) taught me an important lesson for life, and, i.e, — to Love Myself!
As you age, weight of responsibilities gets broader and deeper. The answer is Jordan Peterson. Embrace!
As you age, the world will reveal itself as more free, more mad, less obvious and less real. Pull Tim Ferris. Sam Harris. Derek Sivers. Paul Graham. Tim Urban. Cal Newport. Change with time but be mindful!
As you age, the mountains trail to whatever you want to triumph become brutally rough and imperative. As Ryan Holiday beautifully put it, “The obstacle is the way.” Pick your mountain!
As you age, resistance, comfort and distractions look out for you to ease, grease and befriend you. Remember Steven Pressfield. Be aware!
But as you age, you’re more in control of your own life; in control of your — small, big, naive and important choices. James Clear is there to point you to the right direction. Merely, know your weaknesses! Work on them.
She confronts, she wants to die only after I pass away because I’m a mess without her. Rightly so!
I can’t imagine a day of my life without her.
I couldn’t be more happy we had that piece of conversation among many others things. Over texts though!
But, I hope this genuine feeling we have in our hearts means at least something or better yet Everything with capital ‘E’ for both of us — throughout our lives.
Enough!
For our best of times.
In crushing days.
During countless ordinaries we’re to walk together.
Lucky, I have a brother who’s also my soul friend.
He is the reason why I never really cared about wasting energy in forced companionship.
For I was born with one forever friend and that’s him, a worthy heritage to forever flaunt, to forever flare.
Touch wood.
He is the reason why I’d never really care if somebody or anybody disses me, be yesterday, today or tomorrow.
He gave me an utter freedom to happily enjoy my lonesomeness. He is why I can be alone at will and still thrive because his cocoon was ever present whenever I needed one.
He never asked for my attention because he knew in his heart that he has my whole heart.
He was always there through most of my terrible thick and thins — gladly he lived my plights, my stories.
Glad, he still does.
Our humble relationship as twin brothers, or be it as the funniest two bones — will certainly end one day, not today.
I hope not ever.
p.s.We shared the same warmish womb together, didn’t we? And that’s the cutest thing I’ll forever cherish having done that with you.
