Love You Zindagi – Dear Zindagi
in each breathe i take, I also take a little bit of pain inside me.
sometimes i even felt like breathing only farts, only pains.
venting. regretting.
so dark. so dull. so difficult.
so thick, so much for a small heart.
life’s hard, life’s fu*king hard.
because, to be honest, i don’t feel the warmth of the sunrise anymore but only the chills of the killing night. every where i look around i see paper people; policing me, threatening me, judging me, people who grab me by their monstrous hands, tie both my legs dead tight and ask me — shouting at me to soar, to fly, to smile!
because, everyday is a new drama, everyday a new episode slowly unfolding, and I am no actor like them. i am just a girl trying to live a little happy, a little light with all that i have, with all that i am.
i have come to the point where I feel my life has been a total waste, an irreversible mess.
i have come to the point where I feel I am my only company, the i, who is crying, i who is hopeless, i who is scared, i who is alone, i who is losing. i who is dead within but pretending to be strong.
i have come to the point where i don’t want to wake up the next day and just disappear in a long peaceful sleep for the rest of my life.
i have come to the point where i feel i am done.
sometimes i ask of god for a friend, the mirror soul who’d understand me, the one who’d laugh with me in my happy days with all sincerity, the one who’d grieve with me at all the sad ones too; that him, that her, the it, who’d listen to me, listen to all my complains, all my thoughts, ideas, conflicts, confusions and still love me. someone who’d be there for me, always, unasked.
sometimes i ask of god for someone who’d give me a big, the fattest bear hug and bare with me as i cry and cry — as i spread myself thin, as i weigh out my sorry heart.
life’s hard. life’s f**cking hard.
:
:
amid all the circus, a voice fights as someone wisely said, so what! so fu*king what!
this isn’t the finish line yet,
this isn’t the end of the world yet.