Sometimes you just need to be selfish and take care of you. If they love you they’ll understand.
Robert Tew
I cry.
I cried last week as I was speaking with the reminiscing scent of the old shit-holes, the dark hardships,.. those ugly shit-storms I went through at a very early age.
Purely, purely driven by the hunger for a better life.
I wasn’t a big-shot in grades.
I wasn’t a perfect son. Don’t know if I was a good-enough brother.
But I for sure was selfish. I wanted to become the best version of myself in my own eyes. I cared less about the rest.
I still do.
For nothing came to me on a silver platter.
Not ever. Not today. Not anything. Not anytime.
Those small decisions I had made in my tiny brain since I was barely 15 years of age.
Those evident but unbeknownst mistakes I walked into because I had nobody teaching me shits.
My parents and guardians were busy putting off the fire that I had ignited (every now and then) . They never, never asked why I created one in the first place. I wish i was wise enough to ask the question myself.
Those pressing moments of deprivation, confusions, the feeling of being imposter albeit my resolve to do my best.
Those late night and early morning prayers I had started after the earthquake of April, 2015.
Those judgmental eyes for my inadequacies.
Those helping hands right just when I needed them.
In all sincerity, only if it were not for the books I picked by pure accident. If it were not for conversation with one-or-two genuinely good souls and finding out more about people I ought to listen to, or read from and follow through; I don’t know what would’ve been of me or the trajectory of my life –Whatever it means.
Namaste.