Face the demon of your imagination and Grow up.
Jordan B. Peterson
Part 1
I have no shame in sharing the fact that I come from a relatively poor family. I have two siblings, mom and a dad. The condition of our family two decades ago is different than the condition we were in a decade ago, and touchwood it’s unimaginably better now as each three of us siblings have been living our own independent lives in different directions while keeping the center warm, while keeping the family,.. Family.
Coming to US wasn’t my decision. It was my girlfriend’s. I call her ‘Solution’. She solves all my problems and predicaments without me uttering a word. And, although I’m her fourth boyfriend, she says she’s stuck with me for the rest of her life. That’s really sweet of her.
Getting back to the topic of the day: I must have said it before as well that I was shit scared of applying to the states, because I thought I am not well-off enough to deserve this country,
… because I was shit scared of another rejection after Canada visa denial.
Matter of fact, I was rather applying to Australia, Europe, anywhere else but the United States of America. I vividly remember that conversation early morning on the 9th floor of M&S tower at F1soft when she (Solution) asked me to give it a shot as we were weighing our future options. We prepared every evening after work for at least 2 hours practicing Java coding questions for the forthcoming exam for the university. Well, we both passed the exam.
Plus, ‘Solution’ also got her US visa pretty much soon after that.
Now, with the money I had been saving up I went to Delhi chasing after this, .. the wildest of my dreams. And, here I was going back to my brother’s apartment in Laxmi Nagar on 31st of August, 2021 after getting rejected on my first visa interview in US Consulate Delhi. I cried that day — feeling disgusted, inadequate and worthless to the core because it is not that I didn’t put-in my one-thousand percent in preparing for the interview. Some said, i over-prepared, some said to take it easy. Some said, we’ll try again but I said to myself that I’d go to the bottom of the pit — seeking, enduring, embracing every freaking possible discomforts!
(well, there’s a subtle incoherence on this particular flight-and-fight thought process which i will explain in the 2nd part of this personal diary)
However, looking back, I feel grateful for that insulting slap on the face despite … despite burning all the midnight oil I possibly could have.
Namaste.
p.s. song credit — My twin brother!