You Say – Lauren Daigle

“Some people are more certain of everything than I am of anything.” – Robert Rubin, In an Uncertain World

 

Another writer, Robin Stern in her book ‘The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life’ went to explain —

“Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn’t and to believe the unbelievable.”

Luckily, I had stumbled upon this so commonplace minefield via one of the podcast episodes from Brilliant Idiots.

So, yes, I knew the game, the rules, the way in, the way out and the backdoor and the way around.

Thanks to my curiosity muscle again, I did nit pick many grains of wisdom from the book Ms. Stern wrote on the topic.

And, I still wedge back and forth as I observe/assess/notice/examine the Gaslight in full ruthless, senseless, shameless discourse.

 .           .           .

Three of my most favorite masterpieces from her book —

A) “Don’t ask yourself, “Who’s Right?” Ask yourself, “Do I like being treated this way?”

and 

B)“1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself. 2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day. 3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work. 4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss. 5. You wonder frequently if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter. 6. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier. 7. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases with your partner in mind, thinking about what he would like instead of what would make you feel great. 8. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family. 9. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses. 10. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself. 11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists. 12. You have trouble making simple decisions. 13. You think twice before bringing up certain seemingly innocent topics of conversation. 14. Before your partner comes home, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day. 15. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person—more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed. 16. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him. 17. You feel as though you can’t do anything right. 18. Your kids begin trying to protect you from your partner. 19. You find yourself furious with people you’ve always gotten along with before. 20. You feel hopeless and joyless.”

and

C) “You should never listen to criticism that is primarily intended to wound, even if it contains more than a grain of truth.”

 .           .           .

There’s always a tactical, logical, surgical procedure to trace flaws or misconceptions in anybody’s opinion. Even your own.

My mere advice, “Never buy it, if it smells.”